loudmouths | PRISMATICA ►INBOX

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asano keigo ⬤ bleach
residential district ⬤ --
moonblessing ⬤ Cordis

[ keigo didn't ever want to doubt renji, but he couldn't help it in this situation. it was actually quite scary that he could be at a point where he wasn't sure where the divide was between the pheromones and renji's actual wants. was he just saying it was okay? did he really mean that? or was it keigo's pheromones influencing his decisions?

renji closing around him even more insistently than before did startle keigo a bit, but he didn't make any move to resist this time, either. maybe this was fine... but there were other parts to it that keigo still had come concern over. ]

Mmn... well... [ keigo leaned his head against renji's chest, his fingers slowly curling around renji's forearm. he figured if they didn't want any secrets between them, it was better to address it now than continue to ignore the issue. ] Maybe now it's not. But when both of us are affected by the moons, I don't want to put you in a position where you're uncomfortable...

[ he was trying so desperately to make his language as neutral and vague as possible, but somehow keigo's face and ears were burning anyway. ]

[ With Keigo's head on his chest, Renji hoped that he didn't have a good view of how his whole face seemed to flush red at even the delicate, careful way Keigo phrased his concerns. Somehow, the euphemisms were almost as bad as Keigo being straightforward and asking him if he was really, really sure that it was okay that his mere presence inflamed an insatiable lust for Keigo pounding him. ]

That's...

[ Renji's voice halted again, caught in a trap of his own making. He should have expected this, after Keigo's post to the network and his repeated concern and, to be honest, his own reticence to talk about... all that... after it had happened.

It'd be easier if Keigo wasn't so damn considerate, worrying about how he felt, wanting to make sure he wasn't "uncomfortable", whatever that meant. After all their time in the station, this was a relatively mild occurrence. It didn't force him into a locked room, muck around inside his head, change his whole history so he couldn't tell reality from fantasy. It just... unearthed a very specific desire.

Well, a very specific desire that Renji had never entertained outside a VR simulation. Had been aggressively disinterested in entertaining, if he were honest. He spent a lot of nights lying awake and trying to sort out his feelings about that affair after the fact. What it meant for him and his self-image to have their positions reversed. He wasn't done sorting them out, really. But in the end, the thing that struck him the most was that nothing changed between them. Keigo still looked at him the same, still treated him the same, and Renji still wanted to be near him.

Not that he could say any of that out loud. Especially not like this, his arms linked around Keigo, Keigo's head pressed against his chest and giving him the distinct impression that he could hear his heartbeat quickening. Renji wasn't the sort of man who could have these kinds of frank discussions anyway. He spoke with his actions, with forcing himself by Keigo's side because it was the place he wanted to be more than anything.

But he'd have to say something. And after a short pause, words tripped out of his mouth, a little faster but more certain as Renji spoke. ]

There's no helping the moon shit... I'm not gonna let you stay locked up here all on your own. And I— I just wasn't expectin' that. At least I know what's comin' this time.

[ Renji's head turned aside, as if he'd said his piece, and then he added in a low murmur: ] And it wasn't... all that bad either.

[ in retrospect, keigo's word choice was... poor. in his quest to remain somewhat vague, it only came out as more suggestive. as renji stumbled over his thoughts, keigo was sorting through his own, careful to keep his head bowed against renji's chest to prevent any further embarrassing revelations. it served its purpose, at least, allowing keigo to feel renji's reiatsu and the chroma generated between them. it was a nice focusing point.

but even that wasn't enough to keep him totally preoccupied. once renji started speaking again, keigo instinctively lifted his head a bit, eyes scaling upward. maybe... that wasn't a good idea. because what renji said was pretty... unexpected.

well, not all of it. the parts about him being stubborn and wanting to keep keigo company... those were expected. but the last remark he made, that quiet addition he slipped in to the end of his statement, made keigo's stomach flip. did he really just... ]

O-oh... [ keigo exhaled a sheepish chuckle, though it was short and brief compared to what he intended to actually respond with. he hurriedly continued, lest renji assume the worst of his reaction. ]

I'm... really glad you said that, actually... I was worried. [ he smiled softly, the faint redness on his face framing the expression as rather gentle and understanding. keigo knew that what renji had just admitted to was rather monumental and so he wanted to impart that understanding. keigo himself had gone through some internal struggles (and still did at times) when it came to his enjoyment of sex with men, so renji's rigid acceptance was quite impressive. and a relief, really. he had genuinely feared that it was another scenario where renji had no real input and was essentially slotted into an autopilot mode...

at any rate, keigo leaned back enough to look up at renji more directly. he placed his hands on his shoulders so as not to truly break that physical tether and to consequently trap renji in place as he continued. ]

But, also... It was ... y'know. [ maybe this was a mistake, but that cordis influence was coloring some of keigo's words just a bit. ] ...it was nice. I wasn't expecting it, either. But if you liked it, that's all that I care about. [ if that wasn't bad enough, keigo's lips parted into a grin. ] Next time, it'll be better. "All that bad" isn't good enough for me! So I'll need to really need to improve my techniques!!

[ welp. just like that, a heartfelt conversation looped right back around to something lewd. ]

[ That offhand comment, masked as a throwaway line, was the hardest part for Renji to say. Almost like everything else was building up to it. He knew that's what Keigo needed to hear. That what happened was okay. And it would be okay even if it happened again, because even if Renji's feelings about Keigo fucking him were still sort of a muddle, he was fine with it because it was Keigo and because it... well, it felt really fucking good. But being this forthright with Keigo, even now, was still a struggle. He was too used to his show of self-sufficient posturing and too old to shed it even in these private moments. Another facet of his much vaunted masculinity that had been forced under scrutiny since he'd started this multiversal tour.

It was especially difficult to be so straightforward when it came to the strong feelings he had for Keigo and their in many ways unconventional relationship. Keigo was the expressive one between the two of them anyway, he said and did enough to cover the both of them. But in times like these, Renji tried to pull his weight.

And there wasn't a lot to regret about that little confession he'd let slip though, seeing the way Keigo beamed now after he'd looked so lost and anxious just a while before. He really worried too much about everything.

That didn't mean that Renji couldn't feel the steam coming out of his ears as Keigo piled more and more suggestive language on him, burying him under a deluge of obscene implications. It felt like the flush on his face had spread to cover his whole body, even his hands seemed to radiate heat as they released their hold on Keigo for the first time, jumping as if he'd been scalded. Keigo's hands on his shoulders kept him from leaping too far, though. ]

O-Oi!! What're you talkin' about?! [ His voice had a flustered stammer. An indignant scowl formed on his lips that didn't quite reach eyes. His gaze darted away, from the grin on Keigo's face to the jewel glinting in his hair and then back. ]

You're thinking too hard about this, idiot!!

[ Another way of saying that Keigo's technique was good. That it was all good. That it should be obvious to him that he liked it because Renji was still here. That Keigo was putting way too much thought into this euphemistic aside just to tease him.

Then again, if Keigo wasn't so embarrassingly thoughtful, he wouldn't be the person he'd fallen for. ]

[ poor renji... it probably was a bit much to be already plotting for their next romp when the mood struck them, but when it came to making those he cared about happy, keigo was diligent. maybe too diligent... even as renji jumped backward, keigo was steadfast, moving along with him to encroach on the newly created space between them. ]

I gotta make sure that you're satisfied! I wouldn't be a good partner if I didn't, right?

[ now the cordis touch was taking its hold in a more direct manner, quickly steering keigo down that more flirtatious and playful route. he slid up closer, letting his arms drape down over renji's back. he chuckled in a low, mischievous manner, ensuring that his touch wasn't outright sexual, but perhaps bordering on a bit suggestive. ]

That's my number one priority. Every time we're together, I want it to be the best time you've ever had. I want it to be on your mind and replaying whenever you're alone.

[ though no matter what type of touch he was imparting, his words were definitely sexual in nature. maybe this was a bit much, given that renji had just painstakingly navigated around his own embarrassment just for keigo's peace of mind. ]

[ Renji knew when he was beaten. Keigo had him on the back foot, literally, since he'd made that embarrassing but necessary confession. He'd rolled over and exposed his weak underbelly and Keigo was not showing him mercy, each lewd implication piling up until it was no longer subtext but the words he'd have written in his obituary because this outpouring of obscene and heartfelt innuendo might actually kill him.

A few times, Renji started to protest, to say that he got the picture, that Keigo really did think way too hard about this, but the words were stifled on his lips as Keigo pushed his campaign onwards. Red painted his face and all the way down his neck as Keigo's arms enclosed him. ]

Settin' the bar high, ain't you?

[ Renji struggled to strike his usual pointed, gruff tone, but even then he sounded too indulgent, more wry than cutting. His arms drew around Keigo's waist, settling there again like it was where they naturally fit, his fingers lacing at the small of Keigo's back. That sweet smell of Keigo's filled his lungs, his face filled his field of vision, and memories of nights together filled his head. It was overwhelming, to feel so thoroughly overrun by one person, but it wasn't wholly unpleasant either. Capitulation seemed almost appealing now. ]

You shouldn't strain yourself rackin' your brains out over something like that.

[ A hand came to Keigo's hair, tracing the cool metal of his barrette with his fingertips as it turned warm under his touch. ]

You oughta know I'm already thinkin' about you.

[ There really was no winning here, but he could at least try to get a few of his own jabs in. He didn't have anything left to lose. ]

[ keigo offered up a soft hum as renji relented and returned to embracing him, his eyes half-lidded and glimmering with amusement. renji really was quite cute when he was embarrassed... and the attempts to interject had been endearing, as well. ultimately, though, keigo knew he'd fold to his wiles and he was content with that result.

but that was the drawback to being confident: leaving oneself open to a counterattack. keigo was pretty certain that renji was going to try and change the subject or struggle through his embarrassment, and his first replies seemed to agree with that assumption. it wasn't until renji stroked his fingers against keigo's hair and the barrette there did keigo realize that maybe he wasn't quite throwing the towel in yet.

he was right. renji really did throw one last suckerpunch that knocked the wind right out of him. it was a simple statement, stupidly so, but its simplicity made it all the more powerful to keigo. renji was never generous with sharing his innermost thoughts or feelings, so keigo felt safe to assume that he didn't need to know everything to experience being loved by renji. but just hearing something that heartfelt in plain words made keigo flush hotly as he looked up at renji with slightly widened eyes. it made him realize quite frankly that he really did love him, that this feeling they shared was real.

if not for the moon, keigo would have turned into a stammering, emotional mess. thankfully, at most, he exhaled a sheepish chuckle and donned an equally sheepish smile, tilting his head to one side in a sort of coy fashion. ]

How romantic... [ keigo reached up to twist his fingers playfully through renji's hair. he sounded playful, but he was sincere. ] But you're right. I do know that, 'cause it's the same for me. [ he leaned into renji, nuzzling against his neck, enjoying the reiatsu that rolled off of him like waves. ] But let me be an overachiever for once. [ a warm breath puffed against his skin, the precursor to a slow and indulgent kiss pressed against his neck. ] I want you to feel the same way I do when you fuck me.

[Given how much pain Keigo seemed to be in during their first meeting here, saying something that will hopefully relieve some of that anguish should be easy. But that's just it - there's so much to work through that it still takes Sougo some time to work up the courage to send him a text. Who knew that this would be so hard?]

Keigo-kun... [Not "Asano-san." Keigo-kun.] This is Sougo.

I know that this is sudden, and you might not want to hear from me at all. But if you're free, could we meet up somewhere to talk? It's... really important.

[ of all people that keigo expected to see a message from, sougo wasn't one of them. he had made it fairly clear in his behavior that seeking him out, like he normally might have, was too painful. he felt guilty about it, too; it wasn't sougo's fault that his memories were taken from him. it was selfish of him to lash out in the way he was, not by exploding at sougo, but by internalizing his frustration and releasing it when he was alone. renji already suffered enough with his fears and phobias about memory, he had to handle some of it by himself.

so when he saw the message from sougo, when he saw how he referred to him, keigo started to laugh. it was derisive, disbelieving, cynical. thankfully, he was alone again. no one had been over just yet, no one to tell him to calm down. he wanted to be angry, but more than that, he wanted to believe. it was too hard to think about sougo without that glimmer of hope that he'd remember some day, but now that he had it, he was too cautious to accept it immediately.

the response was delayed, uncharacteristically so. rather than a bounding excitement, keigo's apprehension and distrust (not of sougo, but of this place they resided) clear in his words. ]

why are you talking like that? why are you calling me by my name like that? it's not gonna make anything better.

[Without any explanation given, of course Keigo would respond in such a petulant way. Sougo had hoped that using his given name would offer a glimmer of hope, but of course it would be met with contempt. If the situation were reversed, he's certain he would feel just as hurt if Keigo had approached him in a familiar way after so long... especially now that all of those memories are seeping in, slowly but surely.]

...Just this once, will you trust me? The last thing I want is to bring you any more pain, and I can't promise that everything will magically go back to the way it used to be. But there's something I need to tell you, face to face.

And... I really want to see you.

[ this was the true core of keigo's weakness: standing up for himself in a situation where most would have. most people would have been stalwart in their resistance, their distrust fueling them to seek more than just flimsy words that anyone could write. most people would have continued to be suspicious, to keep things close to the chest until more was revealed.

most people wouldn't give in so quickly.

but keigo, for as frustrated and frightened and upset as he was, wanted nothing more than to be there for those he cared for. and he did care for sougo, deeply. it was difficult to comprehend the depths of how much he meant to him, especially now that the damage of his worst fear had been actualized.

even so, he couldn't resist this chance. ultimately, the shield he bore was flimsy and weak, cracking swiftly as he read sougo's message over and over again.

he really was too weak for his own good. ]

...alright. where do you want to meet?

[Maybe it's unfair, just a touch, that Sougo had felt like he could lower the barrier around Keigo's heart from the beginning. Not break through it or leap over it with no effort, but barely lower it inch by inch - just enough for them to see eye to eye, if Keigo so desired.

And really, it's hard. It's far harder than Sougo could have anticipated to go from what he knew to having so many precious memories flood in. Memories he was so sure he'd never forget, but by no fault of his own, had completely left him. What must it feel like to be on the other side of that? Even if those memories are blurred around the edges, how would he feel if Keigo was the one in his position?]

Is there anywhere you'd prefer? I'm the one asking you to go out of your way, so it's only fair to let you choose.

[ keigo could anticipate that sougo might end up feeling guilty for whatever reason, even if he didn't regain his memories as he had hoped. it was why keigo was going to try, if just to get some closure between them. whatever that may end up being... ]

middle lunatia is fine. one of the parks.

[ he sends coordinates to sougo within a few moments. ]

tell me when to show up and i'll be there.

Alright. If you don't have a time in mind, I'll head that way now. It should only take me about twenty minutes to get there.

Thank you. Really.

[Something about this still feels so precarious. There's only a slim chance that Keigo will be even more upset after they talk, but the mere idea of it is more than simply disheartening. What if after all of this, Keigo doesn't want anything to do with him at all?

But as he heads to their meeting place, Sougo can't help the way he tenses up, chest fluttering with nervousness. Nervousness, anxiety, anticipation, and a thrumming that can't be called anything but excitement. Even as he arrives there before Keigo, (or at least he thinks so - overestimating his travel time on purpose gives him a little longer to assess the situation), he isn't quite sure whether it's for better or worse that there really isn't anyone else in this quiet area of the park.

Sitting on the edge of a fountain and looking into the water, he mentally recites how he's going to reveal this once more. If Keigo responds like this, he'll say it this way. And if he responds like that, then... Deep breaths. This may be a reunion, but it shouldn't be so hard!]

[ keigo didn't know how to respond to that text, so he opted not to. he felt anything he might have said as a placeholder would end up making him sound disingenuous, so he left it alone.

and his arrival was ... not particularly rushed. not because he didn't want to see sougo, far from it. but rather that he was afraid. he didn't want to run the risk of opening himself up for another heartbreaking situation, where sougo would end up forgetting him again entirely, but his heart yearned for things to just be how they were.

he knew that wasn't possible, not without spending an eternity on that station. and no one wanted that.

either way, he wasn't horrendously late, just... a bit delayed. he saw sougo in his mind's eye long before his actual eyes settled on him, and that gave him a little bit more resolve to push forward. this had to be done. some sort of closure had to be arranged. it was only fair to sougo. and then maybe keigo could mend himself afterward.

taking in a deep breath, keigo approached the fountain and subsequently sougo himself. he was dressed in his usual casual affair: a hooded jacket, a striped shirt, some comfortable pants... maybe if he dressed casually he'd be able to handle this situation better. ]

Hey. [ keigo's voice was measured, but not cold. he wasn't mad, after all. just... cautious. he rose his hand in greeting and gave sougo a small smile. ] I hope you weren't waiting long.

[Time passes, but Keigo's slight lateness can't be helped. Even after a few minutes pass, Sougo can't help but believe that he'll show up soon, and fiddles with the edges of his scarf to distract himself from daydreaming. But it happens anyway, and before he knows it, he's playing those memories over and over again like a record, just to make sure they won't escape again.

When Keigo's voice calls out to him, just the same as he remembers, Sougo's chest reflexively tightens before he looks up. Nothing's different, really. Keigo is the same Keigo that he'd met in the hot springs, but it's so incredibly strange to go from seeing someone as a stranger to having a torrent of precious memories flood in.

This was supposed to be easy. This was supposed to be refreshing and relieving, taking a weight off of both of their shoulders. But as their eyes meet and Sougo stands up to respond, that tell-tale heat rises behind his eyes, and silent tears begin to blur his vision before he can dare to blink them back.]

No, I... I haven't. [Dammit. Sougo has been awfully vulnerable, but as far as he can remember, he's never actually cried in front of Keigo before. Silent or not, there are definitely the beginnings of tears streaking his cheeks, though he doesn't draw any attention to it.] I'm so sorry, Keigo.

[Part of him wants to stay back - to hide his face and curl up, embarrassed over his sudden flood of emotions. But the rest of him urges him forward, one step at a time, until they're standing face to face. It's too risky to move in closer, to bridge the distance the way he wants to, but he can't help taking Keigo's hands all the same, covering them almost protectively with his own.]

I really... I can't find the right words. ["Guess what! I remember everything now!" doesn't feel right, but it's so hard to vocalize what he's hoping to say. Can't he find a way to show it instead? Truthfully, Sougo wants to turn his eyes away, but it's unfair to do that to someone he cares for so deeply.] I hurt you so much without realizing anything. An apology isn't enough to take that pain back.

hey. you busy tonight?

nope! why, you wanna hang out?

[ whatever keigo expected, it certainly wasn't... this. sougo hadn't been especially clear with his messages; keigo interpreted them as some kind of apology for not having the memories they shared. at maybe trying to fix something he couldn't possibly know. the way he addressed him was odd, too, but now that he was face to face with sougo like this... keigo's heart started to break again. having him touch his hands so tenderly, to hold them like that... it felt too familiar, and yet tinged with the knowledge that it wasn't the same.

"couldn't find the words..." keigo didn't blame him for that, either. how could he? he stood there motionless, letting sougo hold his hands, but hesitating to return the touch with a squeeze of his own. what was this leading up to, exactly? ]

T-That's... [ keigo found his voice after a prolonged moment, but something in him wished he hadn't. he sounded weak, upset, even after allowing himself to calm down before arriving. he was angry, frustrated, disappointed, grieving, but none of that was sougo's fault. nothing he could do, nothing he could have prevented. keigo exhaled softly and shook his head, looking at sougo with sadness in his eyes. ]

You didn't do it. It's not your fault you don't remember. It's not your fault that it's... like this.

[Ah... It figures that being so vague isn't enough. Briefly putting himself in Keigo's shoes, wouldn't it be too painful to cling to hope and make assumptions? He's going to have to spell it out, but looking up, the sadness in Keigo's eyes is poignant enough to nearly render Sougo speechless.]

No, but... [This is too important to let his voice falter.] I couldn't forget it, so I made a wish during the festival.

[Hard-pressed to let go of Keigo's hands, Sougo lifts an arm just enough to turn his head and wipe his tears on his sleeve. It probably doesn't make him look much better, but it's easier to see Keigo this way, and Sougo looks back to him with a firmer resolve.]

I don't know why or how any of this happened. Why I forgot even though you remembered, or why it didn't come back to me when I first saw you again. I can't stand seeing you make that expression because of me. But I...

The station, our cards, the way we met, every time we were together... how much you mean to me. [It's cowardly, he knows, but Sougo can't help himself from leaning in to wrap his arms around Keigo the way he's wanted to from the beginning.] I remember it all, so please don't make that face anymore.

[ keigo would likely look back upon this later with some embarrassment. in retrospect, maybe it should have come across as more obvious. but he just hadn't been in that state of mind to allow for any type of optimistic thought.

it quickly dissipated, however, as he listened to sougo, watched him as tears trickled down his face. this... was different. he'd made a wish? ]

Wh-what're you...

[ keigo's voice was so quiet it was hardly anything that could be considered an interruption to sougo's explanation. he was starting to shake, if just slightly, from this sudden presentation of information and what it actually meant. how... how could it be real? how could he have regained those memories? was this even happening? was keigo hallucinating?

he decided that no, he was not, thanks to sougo's touch. the way he wrapped his arms around him, pulled him close, sparked a wave of emotions he'd been keeping locked down inside of him. his trembling was more pronounced as sougo's sorrowful pleas solidified the reality that was being presented to him.

he remembered. ]

S-Sougo... [ keigo's voice was still weak, but this time, there was a definite lifting of his spirits, even if they were tinged with tears. keigo's reaction was delayed, but swift in the end: he returned the embrace with force, pulling sougo flush to his body and bowing his head against his shoulder. ] Sougo! [ he couldn't formulate anything but his name, but it was said with such a wash of relief and joy, he probably didn't need to say anything more. he just clung to him, tears overflowing and streaking down his face as he sobbed, months worth of fear and despair swiftly washed away. ]

wanna grab something to eat? i'm not a full snake this month, but i'm starving.

that's such a weird fuckin thing to say but i hate that it's not striking me as bizarre

but yes! let's get something! ramen?

it's pretty fucking annoying honestly. but not being incapacitated is better anyway.

ramen sounds good.

yeah i can imagine!! i really don't envy you when that happens!

so you wanna meet there or you wanna meet somewhere else?

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PRISMATICA ►INBOX

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Late August!

time 2 die

Just break my heart, why don't you?!

😇

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