[ With Keigo's head on his chest, Renji hoped that he didn't have a good view of how his whole face seemed to flush red at even the delicate, careful way Keigo phrased his concerns. Somehow, the euphemisms were almost as bad as Keigo being straightforward and asking him if he was really, really sure that it was okay that his mere presence inflamed an insatiable lust for Keigo pounding him. ]
That's...
[ Renji's voice halted again, caught in a trap of his own making. He should have expected this, after Keigo's post to the network and his repeated concern and, to be honest, his own reticence to talk about... all that... after it had happened.
It'd be easier if Keigo wasn't so damn considerate, worrying about how he felt, wanting to make sure he wasn't "uncomfortable", whatever that meant. After all their time in the station, this was a relatively mild occurrence. It didn't force him into a locked room, muck around inside his head, change his whole history so he couldn't tell reality from fantasy. It just... unearthed a very specific desire.
Well, a very specific desire that Renji had never entertained outside a VR simulation. Had been aggressively disinterested in entertaining, if he were honest. He spent a lot of nights lying awake and trying to sort out his feelings about that affair after the fact. What it meant for him and his self-image to have their positions reversed. He wasn't done sorting them out, really. But in the end, the thing that struck him the most was that nothing changed between them. Keigo still looked at him the same, still treated him the same, and Renji still wanted to be near him.
Not that he could say any of that out loud. Especially not like this, his arms linked around Keigo, Keigo's head pressed against his chest and giving him the distinct impression that he could hear his heartbeat quickening. Renji wasn't the sort of man who could have these kinds of frank discussions anyway. He spoke with his actions, with forcing himself by Keigo's side because it was the place he wanted to be more than anything.
But he'd have to say something. And after a short pause, words tripped out of his mouth, a little faster but more certain as Renji spoke. ]
There's no helping the moon shit... I'm not gonna let you stay locked up here all on your own. And I— I just wasn't expectin' that. At least I know what's comin' this time.
[ Renji's head turned aside, as if he'd said his piece, and then he added in a low murmur: ] And it wasn't... all that bad either.
no subject
That's...
[ Renji's voice halted again, caught in a trap of his own making. He should have expected this, after Keigo's post to the network and his repeated concern and, to be honest, his own reticence to talk about... all that... after it had happened.
It'd be easier if Keigo wasn't so damn considerate, worrying about how he felt, wanting to make sure he wasn't "uncomfortable", whatever that meant. After all their time in the station, this was a relatively mild occurrence. It didn't force him into a locked room, muck around inside his head, change his whole history so he couldn't tell reality from fantasy. It just... unearthed a very specific desire.
Well, a very specific desire that Renji had never entertained outside a VR simulation. Had been aggressively disinterested in entertaining, if he were honest. He spent a lot of nights lying awake and trying to sort out his feelings about that affair after the fact. What it meant for him and his self-image to have their positions reversed. He wasn't done sorting them out, really. But in the end, the thing that struck him the most was that nothing changed between them. Keigo still looked at him the same, still treated him the same, and Renji still wanted to be near him.
Not that he could say any of that out loud. Especially not like this, his arms linked around Keigo, Keigo's head pressed against his chest and giving him the distinct impression that he could hear his heartbeat quickening. Renji wasn't the sort of man who could have these kinds of frank discussions anyway. He spoke with his actions, with forcing himself by Keigo's side because it was the place he wanted to be more than anything.
But he'd have to say something. And after a short pause, words tripped out of his mouth, a little faster but more certain as Renji spoke. ]
There's no helping the moon shit... I'm not gonna let you stay locked up here all on your own. And I— I just wasn't expectin' that. At least I know what's comin' this time.
[ Renji's head turned aside, as if he'd said his piece, and then he added in a low murmur: ] And it wasn't... all that bad either.