loudmouths | PRISMATICA ► OVERFLOW

[ The answer didn't surprise Renji. He knew what an idiot Keigo could be for how he overthought everything. Maybe that's why all that gentle teasing earlier about how Renji was being nice because of the pheromones had so gotten under his skin, because some part of Keigo thought it might be true. His jaw tightened, eyes narrowed. The hand on the blanket tightened, balling fabric into a fist. ]

Is that really why you think I'm here, Keigo? Because of some stupid moon shit?

[ The sweet scent of him filled the apartment, saturated the sheets, but it wasn't about to make a hypocrite of him now. Renji was, if nothing else, an expert at denying himself the things he wanted. ]

[ he knew that renji wouldn't take that answer well, but even worse was that keigo didn't even know if that was the entirety of it. he couldn't really articulate how he felt or why he wanted to shoulder the burden, other than having to do so with other things in his life, anyway.

renji's biting response still elicited an uncomfortable pang in his chest, like he had really said something horrible. the guilt was fairly oppressive and keigo looked away, hands curling tightly. ]

I don't... know... no? But...

[ keigo swallowed roughly. ]

I don't know. I can't explain it. I'm sorry.

[ It stung a little. Not Keigo's lack of explanation, but his uncertainty that Renji wasn't just lured here by his sweet scent, following his trail like a slavering dog. ]

Keigo...

[ Frustration was etched in every facet of Renji's posture, from his tense shoulders to his clenched fists and the deep scowl on his brow. Frustration with himself, with how inadequate he still was. Frustration that he just couldn't manage to convey to Keigo how he wanted to be here because he loved him.

And then Renji inhaled, held his breath to cool his head. Getting temperamental was what started this in the first place, and it certainly wasn't going to end it. When he spoke again, the coarse aggravation in his voice had smoothed over a touch. ]

C'mon, get up. I can't talk to you like this.

[ Like he was scolding him, like they weren't on equal ground. He stared down at Keigo and he felt every second of the decades between them. Renji tugged at the blanket, peeling back the covers to encourage Keigo to sit up and at least meet him eye to eye, or close to it. ]

[ keigo was fairly equally frustrated with the situation, but more for his own childish mannerisms and how sensitive he was being over this whole thing. it was stupid, why couldn't he just accept things as they were? maybe because he was tired of doing that for so long.

though he couldn't really argue that the position he was in wasn't really conducive to having a serious conversation. it felt secure, in a way, but just as childish as anything else he was doing in that moment.

he didn't really say anything as renji pulled on the covers, but he didn't pull back, either. he let renji expose him to the air, and it didn't seem like anything was amiss until the blanket dropped past his neck.

everything from his shoulders to his pectorals was a bit... wrong. red and raw flesh, broken quills and scattered downy fluff that had littered the floor and now the bed. a small pile had formed around keigo, circling him like some kind of ritualistic sigil to keep him hidden away.

but maybe the oddest part was that for how clear it was that this was self-inflicted, keigo didn't try to hide it. instead, he looked up at renji with the same petulant face as he always did, red-rimmed eyes and pursed lips completing his otherwise typical look. no shame graced his face, except maybe the shame that came with being unable to explain himself from a moment ago. ]

Fine... I dunno what there is to say...

[ probably a few things, now that this had been exposed. keigo's fingers twitched against his thighs, as if itching for something to do. ]

Keigo!!

[ Renji's hands shot forward to seize Keigo's arms, moving to haul him upright so he could more clearly get a look at the damage done.

Everything seemed to freeze in that moment, with Renji's gaze fixed on the raw and puckered redness on Keigo's skin, the spread of soft feathers that contrasted the carnage on his flesh. His eyes widened, his face paling to a ghost white. There wasn't even a moment for him to be bewildered over Keigo's nonchalance, he was still trying to process seeing him so wounded.

Concern choked his voice, made his grip uncomfortably tight. ]

What— [ Renji almost asked, "What did you do?" but he just couldn't believe that Keigo had done this to himself. Another awful thought flashed through his mind, that he'd driven Keigo to this. ] What happened to you?!

[ keigo wasn't clearheaded, that much was certain, as he didn't quite expect that type of reaction out of renji. he yelped as he was pulled up and closer, the feathers wafting around as the air scattered them further. he blinked a few times at renji's state of shock, then looked around them.

it was kind of strange. keigo recognized that those were his feathers scattered about, but there wasn't an immediate sense of panic or shame, really. it was just... stress relief. but why? he'd never had that type of inclination before.

after a silence that was likely too long for renji, keigo looked back up at him and it seemed to click. ]

I think... I must've done it...

[ he looked away again, frowning. he touched one of the broken quills on his chest, as if trying to remember the actions that led him there. ]

... but I didn't realize I was doing it. Or... th-that I pulled this much out...

[ The silence was, indeed, far too long for Renji. But he dared not break it, for fear that if he said anything then Keigo would clam up again, dive under the covers and lock him out. Instead his hands kept their too firm grip around his shoulders, anxiety written in the creases in his brow which only deepened at Keigo's answer. ]

Why? Why would you— [ Renji stopped himself, then swallowed. No, he didn't need an answer to that. He already knew the reason. He lowered his head, eyes dipping from the furrowed, half-lucid expression on his face to the broken quills and raw, puckered skin. ]

...I'm sorry, Keigo.

[ Renji's head bowed further, his hands slipping down his forearms and past his wrists until his palms lay flat on the bed. He was being an idiot and he knew it, but more than that he wasn't thinking about Keigo at all. How someone as vibrant as him needed to be with people, how he already treated himself like a burden without thinking he needed to be locked up in a room too. ]

I didn't know. I didn't think... [ Renji's fists clenched on the bed sheets. ] ...about how hard this was for you.

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