loudmouths | PRISMATICA ► OVERFLOW

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PRISMATICA ► OVERFLOW

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( continued from here )

No.

Well, you'll be standing out there all day, then!

[ because he's not coming out sorry!!! ]

I doubt it.

[ Apparently, Renji's realized that he's said too much, because that's all he's giving Keigo. His reiatsu lingers at the door, resolute and solid. He's not leaving without at least seeing him first. And if Keigo doesn't come out, well. He has no qualms about breaking the door down to do it, as he's told him before. ]

Have fun!

[ because... even if he can sense renji right there, even if he knows that there's a chance renji might bust in, he didn't want to answer that door. ]

[ A few minutes pass, enough time for Renji to stew in regret at losing his temper at some silly teasing while also nursing annoyance at Keigo's damn stubbornness. He doesn't bother with knocking when Keigo knows he's here. He just pushes against the knob, putting enough pressure for the lock to twist and splinter under his brute strength. The door swings violently on its hinges, opening with a loud crack. ]

Keigo?

[ The sound of sandals scuffing the floor and the crinkle of plastic chip bags follows as Renji pushes inside. That perfume he's grown so accustomed to permeates the whole apartment, stirs a yearning in him again that Renji quickly smothers. He's not here for that. Or because of it. ]

[ keigo was nowhere in the main area as renji thoughtlessly burst into his apartment. instead, he was in the bedroom, underneath his blankets and silently raging. like a child.

he didn't respond to renji, not vocally. though all the same, he's not exactly hiding his reiatsu very well, either. it's flickering, obviously pinpointing his location.

and when renji follows it, he'd likely come across some pale colored feathers littering the floor, leading to the bedroom... ominous. ]

[ When Keigo doesn't answer, another annoyed-sick feeling squeezes Renji's chest. His concern spikes at the same time that his annoyance does. Renji tosses the bags of chips down, feeling stupid for thinking this would work as an apology. The irate throw that stirs some feathers on the floor, drawing his attention to them for the first time. ]

The hell...

[ Renji can't remember if molting is a regular part of Keigo's lunar cycle... but he's pretty sure it isn't. His slow steps inside the apartment quicken to a hurried pace as Renji follows the trail of pale feathers to Keigo's bedroom. He pushes the door open with the same frame-shaking force that he used on the front door. ]

[ molting most definitely was not a part of the cordis cycle that keigo typically experienced. keigo likely would have made some kind of complaint about it if it had been. that really only left one option...

as renji whipped the door open, keigo jerked from shock, his agitation and anxiety spiking from the loud, abrupt sound so much closer to him. he was under the blankets, pulled over his head, like a child. it probably would have looked comical if it wasn't for the trail of feathers leading up to the bed, with a few more drifting to the floor when he shifted in the bed. ]

Y-you really better not have broken both of my doors, you asshole.

[ he didn't sound... too bad... mostly annoyed... hm. ]

[ After everything they'd been through, there were times when Renji forgot how young Keigo still was, not just compared to a spirit like himself but even for a human. This wasn't one of those times. Renji's lips pressed thin seeing the scattering of feathers around the bed and the bundle they lead up to. He looked like a little kid trying to hide from their problems by shutting out the whole world, not so diffferent from a small, skittish animal burrowing into its den. ]

I'll replace 'em later.

[ With deliberate care, Renji stepped towards the bed and sat at the edge. He had absolutely no desire to aggravate Keigo than he had already, so he didn't do more than lay a hand on the blankets and give a short tug. When he spoke again, the coarse edges of his voice were a little sanded down, low and gently coaxing. ]

You gonna come outta there?

[ feeling renji's reiatsu in such close proximity both comforted and distressed keigo. he was upset, but feeling his presence was never truly unwelcome... he couldn't tell him to leave, not now.

the question was met with a very heavy pause. he didn't know how to respond. part of him wanted to be childish and stay under that blanket forever. but feeling the blanket tugged against him made keigo lift his head a little and look out from under it. his eyes weren't puffy, but maybe a little glossy, like he'd perhaps cried in mild frustration. he furrowed his brows, fidgeting with something underneath the blanket. ]

What d'ya want...

[ Renji met Keigo's too bright eyes and he reflexively reached out to him, a hand coming to brush his brow poking out from under the blankets. He'd gotten... slightly more accustomed to seeing Keigo's teary face, his overblown hysterics at even the tiniest burst of emotion. But in moments like these, he still didn't know what to do but offer an awkward attempt at a comforting gesture. ]

I wanted to see you.

[ It slipped out of his mouth, too sincere by half judging from the way his voice softened when he said it. An embarrassment to admit. Renji's gaze cast downwards, away from Keigo's eyes and to the blanket and the spread of feathers littering the bed. ]

To see if you were okay. [ Renji's hand lowered, sweeping stray plumes off the bed. ] You don't look it.

[ keigo had only really expected affectionate contact like this either after sex or while renji was under the influence of the iris moon. it was welcome, of course, but still distracting in its novelty. keigo didn't pull away.

but at the same time, he didn't pull the blankets off, either. he just let it remain where it was, everything but his face obscured. renji's concern made him feel guilty for being so angry and dramatic... in the end, keigo knew he was just being a brat. looking down at nothing, he shook his head shallowly. ]

'm fine... just bein' a dramatic idiot again.

No kidding.

[ Renji's voice was dry, almost dismissive if it weren't for the fact that he was hovering over Keigo's head with his eyebrows knit together in concern. It was obvious now how Renji was all obnoxious talk when he denied worrying about Keigo in a fit of annoyance and self-conscious chagrin. He leaned in closer, obscuring Keigo's view of the nothing he was staring at. ]

Why're you tryin' to do this on your own when it's so hard on you?

[ It was abrupt, a swerve in their conversation, but Renji said it like it had been eating away at him. Like it was something he was getting off his chest. ]

[ it was fairly embarrassing to have renji affirm what he'd admitted to, no matter how much he acknowledged it to be true. it wasn't a trait he was proud of, much less now when he was left vulnerable and wanting thanks to the cordis moon. all he wanted to do was touch and be touched, to have that steady surge of chroma between him and someone else.

renji's question felt a bit too direct, a bit too knowing. keigo wasn't even sure how to answer it. he looked up at renji like a guilty animal, barely lifting his head upward. he fidgeted under the blanket again, shifting his shoulders. ]

Because... as much as I like attention, sometimes it feels too fake... that I wouldn't be as wanted if it wasn't for the moon and shit. So I'd rather spend time with people when I know it's me that they're seeing.

[ The answer didn't surprise Renji. He knew what an idiot Keigo could be for how he overthought everything. Maybe that's why all that gentle teasing earlier about how Renji was being nice because of the pheromones had so gotten under his skin, because some part of Keigo thought it might be true. His jaw tightened, eyes narrowed. The hand on the blanket tightened, balling fabric into a fist. ]

Is that really why you think I'm here, Keigo? Because of some stupid moon shit?

[ The sweet scent of him filled the apartment, saturated the sheets, but it wasn't about to make a hypocrite of him now. Renji was, if nothing else, an expert at denying himself the things he wanted. ]

[ he knew that renji wouldn't take that answer well, but even worse was that keigo didn't even know if that was the entirety of it. he couldn't really articulate how he felt or why he wanted to shoulder the burden, other than having to do so with other things in his life, anyway.

renji's biting response still elicited an uncomfortable pang in his chest, like he had really said something horrible. the guilt was fairly oppressive and keigo looked away, hands curling tightly. ]

I don't... know... no? But...

[ keigo swallowed roughly. ]

I don't know. I can't explain it. I'm sorry.

[ It stung a little. Not Keigo's lack of explanation, but his uncertainty that Renji wasn't just lured here by his sweet scent, following his trail like a slavering dog. ]

Keigo...

[ Frustration was etched in every facet of Renji's posture, from his tense shoulders to his clenched fists and the deep scowl on his brow. Frustration with himself, with how inadequate he still was. Frustration that he just couldn't manage to convey to Keigo how he wanted to be here because he loved him.

And then Renji inhaled, held his breath to cool his head. Getting temperamental was what started this in the first place, and it certainly wasn't going to end it. When he spoke again, the coarse aggravation in his voice had smoothed over a touch. ]

C'mon, get up. I can't talk to you like this.

[ Like he was scolding him, like they weren't on equal ground. He stared down at Keigo and he felt every second of the decades between them. Renji tugged at the blanket, peeling back the covers to encourage Keigo to sit up and at least meet him eye to eye, or close to it. ]

[ keigo was fairly equally frustrated with the situation, but more for his own childish mannerisms and how sensitive he was being over this whole thing. it was stupid, why couldn't he just accept things as they were? maybe because he was tired of doing that for so long.

though he couldn't really argue that the position he was in wasn't really conducive to having a serious conversation. it felt secure, in a way, but just as childish as anything else he was doing in that moment.

he didn't really say anything as renji pulled on the covers, but he didn't pull back, either. he let renji expose him to the air, and it didn't seem like anything was amiss until the blanket dropped past his neck.

everything from his shoulders to his pectorals was a bit... wrong. red and raw flesh, broken quills and scattered downy fluff that had littered the floor and now the bed. a small pile had formed around keigo, circling him like some kind of ritualistic sigil to keep him hidden away.

but maybe the oddest part was that for how clear it was that this was self-inflicted, keigo didn't try to hide it. instead, he looked up at renji with the same petulant face as he always did, red-rimmed eyes and pursed lips completing his otherwise typical look. no shame graced his face, except maybe the shame that came with being unable to explain himself from a moment ago. ]

Fine... I dunno what there is to say...

[ probably a few things, now that this had been exposed. keigo's fingers twitched against his thighs, as if itching for something to do. ]

[ continued from here! ]

Alright, let's go, then!

[ having company over was something keigo didn't do that often anymore thanks to the saturation of his pheromones all over the damn place. but in this instance, that thought hadn't entered his mind. maybe because with guanshan here, he was thinking in terms of what they used to be like, what they used to do. and anyway, pheromones weren't on his mind without the cordis moon being in the sky; there wasn't any reason to consider it.

so the trek over to the apartment was easy enough; keigo had a knack for navigating around the city, given that it somehow felt so much smaller than the station had. things were easier to find, less overwhelmingly in his face and demanding of his attention. getting up to the apartment itself, keigo opened the door and stepped in, motioning for guanshan to follow in as he slipped his shoes off. ]

It ain't much, but yeah, it's got a kitchen. [ that hadn't been lost on him. the things you take for granted... either way, the apartment itself was decorated in a way that was distinctly "keigo," with accent pieces and other pops of color that made everything feel a bit more "upscale" than it really needed to be.

even if he wasn't planning on staying there forever, it still was nice to add a more personal touch. he turned to guanshan with another beaming, expectant smile, arms outstretched as if presenting the entire apartment. ] So! What'dya wanna do?

[ hands shoved in his jacket, he makes a show of looking around the space — nosy, at that, presumptuous in a way that means overlooking the fact that he got asked a question. cabinet and fridge doors open in the kitchen, their stock perused over, evidence of cooked meals mixed with empty take-out he notices tossed in the trash. no better or worse than the average guy their age — Keigo should be in college now, a thought passes — but it's still enough for Guanshan to give him shit. ]

[ especially after he notices the fucking sweets everywhere. ice cream in the freezer, candy piled here and there. ]

Stop eatin' like a damn ten-year-old.

[ that's all he says, though. seems to be doing fine on his own. next is the living room, stocked with video game titles he doesn't recognize but still pique his curiosity. that might be the best part of coming to new worlds: seeing the inventive new ways they use the same media. he says nothing, but that just means 'approval' in his language. ]

[ he heads to the bathroom, flicks on the light. a cursory glance is enough to tell him what he needs to know — the vain fucker. but that's fine. for his next endeavor, he grabs Keigo's arm, fully cognizant of how closely he's been following, and drags him on into the bedroom without prompting. it smells like sex, a scent with which Guanshan is incredibly familiar, but he doesn't say anything about it as he starts peeling off his jacket. ]

Lay down.

[ this is easier. the hugging, the intimacy, the publicity of it they'd just shared — he can't do that, not without some other kind of padding. sex is a better language, one he's had to learn the ins and outs of for years, and now finds himself relying on it more than he thought he ever would. ]

[ maybe he can't tell Keigo his appreciation, his relief that there's someone here who he knows, who knows him — but he can show him. (when did he become this person?) ]

[ though he wasn't so stupid as to miss how happy guanshan was to see a familiar face, keigo still didn't anticipate this level of inspection. it kind of felt like something renji might do after he'd kept himself holed up for long periods of time... some of the observations made keigo fluster a little, a proper reaction to being called out for his poorer habits.

but in the end, the review of his living quarters ended in an apropos location: his bedroom. it was oddly embarrassing for some reason to be in this room with guanshan without pretense, something that sort of reflected in his hesitant posture. why was this giving him so much anxiety? maybe it was more the excitement and anticipation... he couldn't lie to anyone or himself: he'd missed the smell of guanshan's skin, the taste of his tongue, the feeling of his hands on him. it was an odd bond that he couldn't really quantify as anything but purely otherwordly, just like the place that had spawned such a connection.

there was no way this would have happened anywhere else. ]

Jeez... so demanding...

[ a hollow complaint, more platitude than anything else, evidenced in how keigo moved across the floor to sit on his bed without much resistance. even if he was oddly keyed up, his leg bouncing slightly as he sat before he finally just scooted back to flop down on it. ]

You gonna make sure the bed works?

[ a smartass remark to hide the nerves, rooted in the apprehension of reuniting with someone he'd already mourned for. ]

[ bright eyes catching in the low light see right through it. Keigo's like him, in some ways — too damn easy to read. he can't say he hates it. ]

Yeah, somethin' like that. [ there's a touch of lowness to his voice already that he has no doubts is easy to recognize, a gentleness to it that's easier to admit and wield now, in the silence and sequestered nature of the bedroom. it doesn't matter who's been in here or for how long, doesn't matter what Keigo's gotten up in his free time — all Guanshan wants to think about now is how to show him instead of tell him all of it, without the watchful eyes of a public street. ]

[ he breaks the oppressive quiet himself with little movements: the thud of his jacket hitting the ground, the shift of fabric as he climbs up after him, crawling on his knees until he's straddling one of Keigo's thighs. it's not fluid or enticing, but it's never needed to be between them, always felt more natural and comfortable than he thinks it should. ]

[ just two guys scratching an itch &mash; one that might not entirely boil down to sex. fingers hook on the bottom of Keigo's shirt and tug up, demanding in how he tugs it off over his head, ruffling his hair. ]

[ ...cute. ]

You was worried you'd never see me again? [ maybe it's a question that would normally break the mood — but for him, it is the mood, what has his fingers working the button of Keigo's jeans. ]

[ keigo's honesty with his emotions always tended to result in something embarrassing, whether at his expense or someone else's. in this case, guanshan knew exactly how to fluster keigo and use his own words against him, in a sense. it wasn't that he was ashamed of how he felt, it was more that hearing it repeated back to him in plain words made him realize how emotional for a guy he really was.

the heat of this flooded his face as the fabric of his shirt slid up and over his head, revealing months and months worth of effort he normally might not have endured. muscle, likely more firmed than the last time guanshan laid eyes upon it, touched it, and keigo was oddly embarrassed for that, too. he looked askance as he lifted his hips, teeth working his lower lip with the same nervous energy as he was known for. ]

...yeah. I was. [ it wasn't a moodbreaker, but it did its job to make keigo's voice softer, more genuine. he was hesitant to even express that in his touch, but ultimately he did anyway by sliding his palm over the top of one of guanshan's hands. testing to see if he was real. if any of this was.

dark eyes flicked back, shyness in them, but relief, too. ]

I'm glad I was wrong.

[ guided by Keigo's receptiveness, he slides his jeans down as he lifts his hips, tossing them to pool somewhere beyond the bed, somewhere that seems to no longer exist: out of sight, out of mind, beyond the focus that's suddenly honed in, needle-sharp, to the man beneath him. he's left his undergarments on as a matter of cause, seeming to vacillate between impatience and appreciation, and then stilling all together as Keigo's hand rests on his. ]

[ a few heartbeats too long, he stares at it — Keigo's darker tone accented by the low shadows, his knuckles that aren't as street-beaten rough as his own, long and almost dainty fingers that make his cock twitch for some unfathomable reason... or maybe the intimacy of it, the question that lingers: are you here? ]

[ Guanshan looks back up, turning his hand over under Keigo's, lacing their fingers together, lifelines locking; he mirrors it with their other hands and leans up, surging, arching over his body. ]

Me too. [ they're pinned at either side of his head, Guanshan's weight sinking soundly on top of him, a welcome pressure. his thigh between Keigo's, the rough barrier of denim between them as he sinks and presses it up, forcing those legs open, forcing him to feel the friction as he rolls against him — ]

[ and closes his mouth on his, kissing him hard through the emotion simmering quietly, encouraging and coaxing Keigo's desperation to follow suit. ]

[ following came easily to keigo as it required less forethought and more muscle memory, things he didn't have to pour consideration into. just go along with it, follow in line for a while. it was lazy thinking, but in this case, it was familiar enough to where it made sense.

because guanshan's body was a comfort in ways he hadn't considered until that moment. because feeling the warmth of his skin, the insistence of his touch, sparked memory after memory he wanted to keep forever. he squeezed at his hand, moved easily along with him, stared up with eyes that reflected wonder, as if he still expected to wake up from a dream.

his legs parted easily, boxers already growing tight at his groin, and as guanshan descended upon his mouth, keigo tilted his head up and back to receive him.

he couldn't describe how he felt when their lips met. relieved, for one, but it was just as much a shock to him as anything else. an explosion of sensation, pulling back lazy days with a tinge of despair and acceptance, of joint compliance in their shared situation.

yes, guanshan was real, he was there with him, and his tongue was just as devoted to coaxing the deep sounds from his throat as ever. eyes squeezed shut, keigo let out a lingering keen, already desperate for more despite barely having started. he let guanshan grind, but his thighs pressed tight against his hips, squeezing and reminding him of how that felt, of what was still to come. ]

[ natural — good. easy and accessible, chroma flowing between them only heightening the sensations of a body beneath him, warm and accepting, felt through a feedback wave of unthought navigation and instinctive movement. the wet heat of his mouth is welcome, enticing, makes memories of the past bloom in his mind, heady and openly eager; the grip at his waist forcing him down harder, desirous, ready to be unwrapped. ]

[ abandoning one of Keigo's hands and yet expecting it to stay put, he skims over a broad chest, indeed taking the time to notice those subtle changes. firmer than he was before, a body that had always been slender and soft now more properly fitted to his broad shoulders and frame. density is never anything Guanshan has shirked, and Keigo is catching up with his own — perhaps now surpassing it. it makes him wonder, a sweet curiosity at his fingertips as he squeezes the muscle padding his ribs... ]

[ stops to encourage a nipple into stand at full attention as he sucks on his tongue, thumb working soft circles before he settles on a more decisive pinch: a little spice of pain to tang all the honey. smirking into their kiss, he moves lower still, the heat of his palm smoothing down the curve and dip of his belly until his fingertips catch on the band at his waist, until the silhouette of Keigo's burgeoning erection fills and overflows in his hand, the weight and heat of it pulling a low groan from Guanshan's chest. ]

[ there's no shyness. appreciation sure, slow and intent as his palm works over the underside of his length, pressing it flat against his body as he works cloth-covered sensation over it — but he's as familiar and comfortable with this part of Keigo as he is his face, his voice, his presence. ]

[ kiss breaking, not without a few nips at his bottom lip, teeth tugging it away from teeth before it snaps back, he moves his mouth down the corner of his jaw, beneath his ear, at his throat, sucking up bruises as he goes. ]

How often did you think about me? [ an intimate whisper, a possessive knowing. there's need for confirmation there in the low grit of his voice, a promise that bearing discomfort for a little longer will pay handsome rewards. ]

[ keigo had grown used to the sensation of chroma flowing between two bodies, amplifying the pleasure of something as simple as a brush of fingertips, but this particular instance included the shared experiences and longing he had ignored for too long. it was different with other people, more along the lines of a heightened sensation, but the simple action of kissing guanshan felt almost too much already. maybe keigo's own honesty with himself and his feelings was contributing to the increased enjoyment he was deriving from this.

whatever the reason, it didn't matter. he could get caught up in the details later. guanshan's hand, traveling over firmed muscle and tender flesh, hitched a delightfully distracting breath in keigo's throat, inspiring a shudder to quickly follow. his spine curved, eager and greedy, chest jutting up in a shaky maneuver that called for his hand to twist and grip at the bed beneath him. he almost couldn't keep up; the assault on his senses led him to trail behind. just as he reacted to one bit of stimulus, guanshan was providing another, ensuring that keigo's breath remained appropriately short and shallow, dizzying his head and skewing his perspective as he chased after his tongue with his own.

by the time guanshan's hand roamed down his stomach and between his thighs, keigo was desperate to do something in return. his tweaked nipple burned pleasantly from the sharp pinch, the shaky moan he released all the encouragement more formulated words could provide. his thighs twitched, easing up against guanshan's hips as he groped him with that same sense of familiarity and consideration, his head tilting back against the bed with yet another low sound.

as he touched, felt, stimulated, keigo slowly rocked his hips, lazy and indulgent against guanshan's hand. he'd missed this way of his, no pretense and maybe a bit haphazard. casual and easy. keigo reached up after what felt like far too long, skimming fingers against guanshan's scalp and raking down, down, dragging light red lines on the skin of his neck. his eyes fluttered open, hazed already and distant, his tongue laving over his reddened lip that guanshan had already claimed. the question was an afterthought, but not one without consequence. maybe too long of a pause followed, letting that consideration hang over keigo as though he wondered if guanshan actually wanted to hear the answer.

it was an embarrassing one. ]

A lot. [ his voice was already ragged, rough like gravel as he gave a chuckle that was too easy and carefree, like he knew how flippant he may have sounded on first glance. it wouldn't last. turning his head, keigo reached and curved fingers down against guanshan's shoulder, then his back, a possessive grip carried by a firm curl of muscle. ] I missed you. [ he hissed softly, sliding a leg out, parting himself for him, enticing. ] I missed this. It's... [ he laughed again, more of a husky exhale than anything full-bodied. ] ...well, y'know. [ a smile curved up, reaching his eyes, before a particularly nice bit of friction pulled his attention, causing his brow to furrow and lips to part. ] Fuck.

[ laughter that catches his attention like a siren song for a sailor, his gaze travels up, all of Keigo's warm earth tones cast into cool stone in the low light of a room he doesn't recognize (but it doesn't matter, because doing this with Keigo anywhere feels normal now — especially after a flower-speckled, rain-drenched pagoda had been their first). there's something he thinks sounds worn in that laughter now, the seaglass rough around the edges but its surfaces smoothed with weather, with waiting. ]

[ he wonders how long he would. this, at least, he has the courtesy not to ask. ]

[ reactive. a livewire under his palms, thrumming and responsive — he's always liked that about Keigo, liked it in a way that he guesses other people probably like about him, but the dominant hand Guanshan's usually had in their relationship has meant he gets to enjoy it, a hypocrite to every end, bitter or sweet. he thrashes and rolls his hips and Guanshan meets him like a crashing wave, riding the friction between them, the ebb and flow of pressure and pleasure that draws breath and sound out of them, the red tallies Keigo's leaving on his skin beginning to stipple with sweat. ]

[ It's... well, y'know. ]

[ he does. ]

...You're cute when you're not try'na be. [ hardly prone or skilled at compliments, this is what comes out of him after a moment of stillness where he just looks at the boy beneath him. there's more underneath there, trapped behind a mouth that never was especially good with words and learned to rely so heavily on actions and proof through the unspoken. he falls back on it still after the awkward praise that makes his own cheeks burn beneath the smattering of freckles across his skin, moves on to distract from it as he rears back and hooks his thumbs in the elastic band of Keigo's boxers. it's harsh and clumsy, drunk on intimacy, as he coaxes them off of long legs, tossing them aside with the rest of the clothing, and there he sits: on his knees between parted thighs and bent knees, canting his head aside to kiss at the inside of one, sucking up a lovebite at the tender skin over a muscle. ]

[ hands run appreciatively up the length of his thighs, not hiding his appreciation as he skims over sensitive flesh, palm hooking in the dip of a hip and a thumb brushing up over his balls until his hand closes around the base of his cock, holding up upright and on display. ]

[ — a small smile tugs at his mouth. he really is cute. ]

Get yer lube. I needda make sure you don't miss me again for a while.

O-oi... [ he wasn't trying to be, was the thing. indignation is quickly written plainly on keigo's face, not that he ever had the mind to hide that type of emotion. more often than not, it was too easy to tell what he was feeling, especially when he was with someone who knew of his vulnerabilities. guanshan wasn't as versed as someone like renji or sougo (yet, if circumstances fell in his favor), but he still had just enough knowledge to be dangerous.

good thing that keigo liked a bit of danger. though in this case, it seemed to backfire for guanshan, if the darkening of his skin was anything to go by. keigo was an opportunistic predator, looking for weaknesses cracked through the shell and armor of others, ready to sink into the softness waiting beneath. guanshan had that hidden softness in spades, and keigo let his own embarrassment slide back, swapping out for an amused snort. his compliance couldn't be mistaken for conceding in this case; even as he lifted his hips and worked with guanshan to fully expose himself, he let the excitement of seeing him like that motivate his actions. ]

Nnghh, a-alright, hold on— [ the welcoming touches to his thighs and balls were speed bumps in his otherwise hurried actions, causing keigo to jerk and twitch until he could twist at the waist slightly. typical fashion, keigo had to do everything by the book when it came to intimacy, which meant stashing lubricant in his nightstand. hardly subtle, the packaging on the bottle wasn't coy about its purpose; not a reference to "massage oil" to be found. keigo craned back, passing off the bottle to guanshan, lips caught in a smile that was equal parts eager and nervous, pupils blown wide. ]

Show me, then.

[ he didn't need convincing, though no matter how many times he did this, there was still an instinctive desire to rewind, put a stop on it, reflect on just how he became this way. but then the warmth of guanshan's hand between his thighs gave him the answer.

gratification. bonding. being wanted.

he gave an impatient roll of his hips. ]

[ easier to push that aside for later — or never. the moments that pass can be remembered for what they were, stored and locked up, and Keigo's right: he guards that softness in a cage without bars so it can't even be seen. he'd love to bury it even deeper, but he won't. can't, maybe. ]

[ it's strange, but he feels like he's seeing someone he thought he knew in a new light. maybe there's something else in the atmosphere, some drug or invisible gravitational sway holding him a victim to something he didn't even know he wanted... but here it is: impossible to ignore, hard to explain. even after he's been passed the bottle, he doesn't move with his usual haste, slender fingers gently exploring the flesh laid open before him, tracing his way over freckles and blemishes, dark curls, the curl of veins and swollen flush of his head. ]

Yeah, [ a gruff confirmation that propels him forward. he pops open the cap and pours a generous amount on his palm, closing the bottle and reaching over to put it down on the bedside table. just in case. his middle finger is slicked up, lowered between Keigo's legs and eased in — gentle and slow, but without much preamble. there's an expectation in it, of knowing he's pretty sexually active, and of knowing how much he can take. working his finger in firm circles to get the muscle of his rim acclimated and relaxed, he pushes deeper once he has the confidence Keigo won't struggle with it, sinking all the way in. ]

[ taking some measure of pity on him, Guanshan's mouth closes on his balls, sucking one past lips and working his tongue over the thin skin as he sinks a second finger in to join the first. it's a messy dance, not giving a thought to the coordination or how to especially make it feel the best it possibly can when he's more interested in the inevitable exchange. get him open enough, slick enough, receptive enough. ]

[ but at least around the time Keigo really starts opening up to him, Guanshan runs his tongue up the split of his balls and underside of his cock to pull his head into his wet heat of his mouth, driving a heated rhythm in and out of him with his two fingers to get him loose and malleable. ]

[ keigo, oftentimes too candid with his feelings, could practically feel the way guanshan was looking at him, and immediately felt as though he was on display or review. as much as he enjoyed being showered with attention, there was something in the way guanshan touched him while his eyes tracked his body, almost contemplative, like there was something more waiting to be said that would never be vocalized. still, his body twitched in time with the touches, the reactions automatic and unfettered by the sudden silence between them.

all the while, keigo had a soft smile smoothing his lips upward, eyes half-open. whatever it was didn't really need to be said, anyway.

when guanshan finally opened the bottle, keigo edged his hips forward, angled carefully, legs spread. this was all but second nature in the bedroom anymore; something he had never once considered to ever become familiar in his life. but much like most other things, keigo was focused on the present moment and what was needed of him. ]

Mmhn— [ and he offered up what he could, an appreciative murmur as guanshan toyed with him, plied with his muscle and coaxed him to relax, almost needlessly. guanshan was easy to be around like this, there were few reasons to become tense when alone with him anymore. just like most other friend keigo had made: rough around the edges, dangerous, but caring in their own ways, guanshan had already established himself in keigo's mind.

the next bit of stimulus had keigo sighing a bit louder than he perhaps wanted to reveal, but any embarrassment was ignored for now. it felt so good despite the real lack of tangible method, but that was part of what made it so appealing. even the lack of rhythm to start was heavily enjoyable, perhaps a reminder of just how easy keigo was to please. when it came down to it, hormones didn't care about structure when there was something warm and wet between his thighs.

and warm and wet it was. the wet sounds of guanshan's mouth and tongue, laving over skin, the delving touch of his fingers heading deeper inside of him, were simple in execution, but perhaps it wasn't just the simplicity that had keigo's head rolling back against the pillow beneath him. anticipation aided in building a rolling wave of heat, the relief of guanshan being there with him sparked the twist of his wrists as he pulled at the bedsheets, the knowledge that he remembered urging his hips to work in time with guanshan's impatient thrusting.

he was too emotional for his own good. ]

F-fuck, haha... [ a distant laugh found its way out past keigo's lips, rattling his chest. he breathed out a soft moan, head tilted to the side as guanshan's mouth closed around his cock, providing yet another layer to the sensations he was still struggling to process. vocalizing his anticipation came naturally, filling the room with sighs and hums, while he struggled to move his hips in a way that was as beneficial as it was pleasurable.

lifting a hand up, keigo's fingers sank to card through guanshan's short hair, thumb stroking affectionately against his scalp. he could have said any manner of things, but instead opted to speak with his touch, with the quiver of his thighs. he knew guanshan would understand at least part of what he sought to convey.

the other part, well... ]

[ it'd be easy to get lost like this. there was a sort of out-of-body, animalistic otherness that tended to take over him with sex — especially sex with strangers. automatic, simplistic, without thought. it didn't reason what would bring two people together; it didn't fuck from the heart as well as the hips. it was something that had become routine, ingrained in him, an exchange of one service for another. mutual use. ]

[ with Keigo, things had started there. a balcony fuck, some money to be earned, the "slot b tab a" easiness that he'd always assumed lead to boredom. ]

[ and now there's this. a boy who cries for him when he's gone, sighs and opens his legs for him when he's not, who wants him near for a reason he can't deduce but can't deny its presence. it sinks in his gut all at once, an anchor of attachment that mixes hot and heady with the lust already brewing there — and makes it more intense. another thing he's never been able to explain: why that particular combination gets him so... riled up. ]

[ there's an agony that turns its undercurrent into a knife. opening himself up to this always means opening himself up to the potential loss that comes with it. and that makes him feel... dangerous. ]

[ a few wet, sloppy kisses against his tip, catching his own saliva against his lips. they press into a juncture of hip bone, an arch of ribs, a nipple as he works his way back up. knees planted in the sheets, one hand suspending him up, he then... lays at Keigo's side, changing their positions up. he comes to slot himself next to him, turning him over until he's pressed against Guanshan's back and they're both on their sides, Guanshan slides an arm under his core and hikes up a leg with his other, spreading him open and hiking a hip. ]

[ with Keigo spooned up against him, Guanshan's mouth presses right at his ear, his voice a breathy whisper at the shell of it. ]

Say my name. [ below, he lines his tip up and pushes in gently, making his rim stretch slow and catch over the thickest part of his cock as he takes him in. ]

[ keigo hadn't been particularly surprised with the method of which he came to be attached to someone like guanshan; the simple hook-ups and the lack of real intimacy at the start had blossomed into something more, at least on his end. that was his lot, though, to be so attached to those who could do without him, whose lives would not change if he was no longer a part of them. guanshan was the more "normalized" version of that, given that he wasn't a celebrity (as far as he knew) or some otherworldly creature. even if he wasn't what maybe some people would consider "special," guanshan could continue on without him, regardless of context.

but even if he had a feeling this wouldn't end in a favorable way down the line, keigo owed his carefree and affectionate habits to his refusal to consider the future. the present day was most important, the thing he should focus on.

such as the shift in positions after guanshan's traveling mouth had reached its destination of just below his ear. keigo shuddered through the transition, the wetness of saliva catching the coolness of the air and raking goosebumps up his body, hairs pricking up and nipples turning firm. he wanted this so badly he couldn't really deconstruct everything beyond just a sense of relief and familiarity.

guanshan's chest against his back offered that support, and as keigo felt his mouth move, voice carrying that simple yet lewd demand, keigo leaned against him, head tipping back a bit to brush cheek to cheek with him.

his eyes were half open already, but squinted closed a tick more when he felt the pressure of guanshan's cock plying him apart. the darkness of his irises were barely visible as keigo's chest pushed out a soft burst of air, his voice almost musical in how he spoke his friend's name: ]

Aah... Guanshan...

[ obedient as ever. he chuckled mirthfully and distantly, almost sounding of the variety he might produce while lit up and zoned, and maybe he was in a way. something like this, the level of intimacy and wanting, always seemed to put keigo under a spell, giggling and chuckling mixed in with the heady moans and sharp-pitched gasps. he reached back with his arm to attempt to entrap guanshan's hair between his fingers, touch gentle and building into a slower burn of tight desperation. he edged his hips back, tongue sliding over his kiss-bruised lips as he encouraged guanshan's cock further inside. ]

[ the way their bodies line up feels natural, Guanshan grinding his cheek down on Keigo's with animalistic softness once it's offered, his hands all over him: the arm towards the bed cushioning Keigo's head and keeping him close, fingers that bruise his inner thighs to hold him stretched and open as he fucks up to meet that roll down until he's fully seated inside of him, his dick curved up and held steady by tight, wet heat. ]

Mmn — [ Guanshan isn't even aware of the way it mirrors their first time, how he'd opted for this because he can keep him close and stamp his body into his, rewrite the memory and replace it with something like this: intense, emotional, sweeter. the way he takes it slow, grinds in and out of him nice and easy like he usually only does when he's stoned out of his mind and overstimulated on sensations, but the only thing clouding his mind right now is the tether of emotion Keigo's hooked and buried into him. ]

[ he never pulls all the way out, never starts that steady pounding rhythm he usually likes to take Keigo by to get him hot and loud and overwhelmed. there's a syrupy sweetness to rocking up into him and feeling him fully — every way he twitches, squeezes down on him, every breath that he sucks in when he hits something sweet, every moan that's so close to him he can almost feel it. ]

[ lips trace the shell of his ear, steadily laboring breath panting into it, teeth and tongue tracing down onto the corner of his jaw and column of his throat he feathers with kisses instead of bites and tears and bruises. ]

You ever think about this and touch yerself? [ a filthy and embarrassing suggestion, the hand on his thigh looping to hold his leg up on his forearm, long fingers running up the underside of Keigo's cock — but the sensation they offer is so gentle, fingertips barely running over where he's splayed and hanging against his hip. ] Cry my name out alone in the dark, wishin' I was filling you up like I am now?

[ punctuated by how he rolls up into him until Keigo's rim is flushed up against his balls and stills, lets him feel his entire length buried deep. ]

[ keigo was a performer, always with a bit of flair in every little action he did. sometimes it was an extra bat of his eyelashes or a wave of his hand when it wasn't needed. even in bed, he could give just that little bit more, give his partner what they wanted and sink into the game of it all with ease. but now, as guanshan sank into him, tightness squeezing around that firmness, keigo didn't really have it in him to give an exaggerated performance. what he gave was what he felt, in which case it may have seemed a bit extra... but that was what made it so intense.

his neck tightened, throat bobbing as he swallowed back a heady sound, somehow expecting guanshan to really take him like the last time they'd fucked, really hard and vigorous and raw. but it didn't happen, winding keigo's nerves up as the anticipation melted into satisfaction, the slow grind sating his desire. it helped that guanshan knew how to touch him, where to brush his fingers, how to really squeeze every last bit of air from his lungs with a little bit of pressure. keigo hummed deeply, distantly, as the slow rhythm continued, every little brush of those sensitive spots causing a hitch to his breath and a jerk to his hips, like an ingrained reflex.

but he loved this. feeling guanshan fill him up, ply him apart, press just that much deeper and never going far; it turned him on so much it was dizzying. his eyes fluttered closed for a moment as he sank into it, his hips pushing with a carefully considered pattern to match. part of him really wanted to rile guanshan up a bit; maybe stick his ass out a bit more, really press himself tight against him, then inch away, make him reach for it. but... ]

Haah... shit.

[ guanshan's mouth against his ear, the shuddering sound of his breath rattling against it, clawed those goosebumps up his flesh and he faltered in that line of thought. he listened to his breathing, indulged in the filthy words he spoke, then bit down on his lip as he really pushed up into him, snug and tight and full. keigo could feel his thighs twitch as guanshan's hand slid up, but even the touch to his dick couldn't compare to how overwhelmed he was with this sensory overload.

he was quiet—comparatively—for a moment, rasping over moans and shivers as he just laid there, enjoying the feeling of guanshan fully seated inside, the sensation of his body so flush and impossibly close to him drawing out enough of a reaction without the colorful scenario he'd spun. but with it, keigo's sense of humility seemed to wane, his lips curling into a lazy grin as he pressed back, needlessly but with just as much punctuation to his response. ]

Yeah. I did. [ he breathed, fingers slowly moving against guanshan's scalp, nails barely grazing the skin. ] I wanted you so bad some nights. [ he turned his head slightly, dipping it back to try and catch any bit of him with his mouth. ] I'd fuck myself on my fingers until I came. [ teeth flashed against the pink of his lips, tongue sliding over the bottom one as he chuckled salaciously. he nudged with his hips again, thighs trembling and cock flushed and wet. ] I missed this.

[ missed you. ]

[ tight and hot and perfect, Keigo's wrapped around and pressed to him like a glove, the seams their skin make beginning to ruddy and stick with sweat, the friction of Guanshan's jeans still slung around his thighs and the way his shirt bunches up at his chest a texture between their bodies that drives him crazy. he loves it like this — stripping Keigo bare and vulnerable and all over him, too desperate to get inside of him to even finish taking his clothes off. ]

[ it isn't until he wants to slide one of his legs between Keigo's to truly lock him into position and hold him down that he finally kicks off his jeans, throwing the leg he'd had a grip on over his lap and curving his upper body more to meet his mouth when he seeks it. ]

[ he feels the shape of his lips forming those words against his own, flutters enough to send hurricanes down his gut and make him push harder, try to grip and hold and hug him even tighter onto his cock. ]

Bet you couldn't get as deep as me. [ eyelids slung low and lusty, he watches the other boy through that heady, hazy gaze, his hand wound around his head to grip his cheek and keep him turned towards him — to look at his face as he pulls out so damn slow and rock back in like he's not even trying to fuck him. ]

[ just wanting to make him feel every inch, every stretch, every intimate and dizzying spot he rakes against as he grinds deliberately, gasping and shuddering as he tightens and as he gives, but never looking away from features he knows well cast in dark shadows but glistening with a thin sheen of sweat. ]

[ his fingers settle between Keigo's stomach and his bobbing dick, speckling his knuckles with precum as he ignores his erection, instead pushing down on his belly to press his lower back tighter against him, hugging every part of his body he can find — and then his hot, sticky palm stroking his skin, his happy trail, from his bellybutton all the way to the base of his cock... as if he's trying to feel himself inside of Keigo's body. ]

[ no teeth. another unusual point for Guanshan, when he sucks on his lover's bottom lip and doesn't snap at it until it bleeds, instead parting his lips with his tongue and tasting the wet heat of his mouth, kisses light and — almost playful. ]

What, you missed "this" 'cuz you can't make yourself come as hard as I can? [ grin for grin, his smile stamps against the side of his mouth, lashing his tongue at salty skin as he pulls almost all the way out, lingers, lets him feel his own stretched-out emptiness. ]

Say it like you mean it. [ say you missed me. or maybe he just won't put it back in. ]

[ friction, of cloth and of skin, gave keigo something to focus on in between the shuddering jolts of pleasure that razed his flesh and nerves with every touch and movement between them. he already felt his throat go tight and dry, turning breaths into strained keens and swallowing anything back near impossible. which was fine by him, really. he didn't want to hide much right now, content to let guanshan indulge in every sound so easily given up to him.

his fingers scraped, subconscious effort to keep guanshan close, as unnecessary as that was. the sloppy way they kissed, the words and half-formed thoughts alike feeling ticklish against his lips, only made keigo yearn for him more, and maybe that was when he realized that that was the intent all along. keigo's eyes fluttered shut, then open again, a slow daze sinking in then pulling back as he became more acutely aware that guanshan was fishing for something of him.

he grunted as he felt the pressure of a hand against his abdomen, though he moved with it all the same, eager to feel that deepened touch reach him where it really counted. it was just shy of it, teasing at the tightness of his hole, until that was all that was left. keigo looked a bit confused for a moment before it clicked again, he wanted something. it was odd. hadn't guanshan been more straightforward before? teasing was one thing, getting him to say dirty things was another thing, but keigo's perception sharpened for that instance of clarity, where his eyes looked brighter and his lips parted a bit more, waiting.

and then he smirked. ]

Aah, so... You're doubting me?

[ all the filth that guanshan had presented up until that point had made his ears burn to a degree; it was a type of banter he still fumbled with at times, still new and uncertain about his evolving sexuality and desires. but this. while guanshan wasn't using teeth, keigo wasn't above using his own metaphorical ones, digging into him slowly as he stilled his hips and leaned his head back, inviting more swipes of tongue. ]

I did miss "this," [ he starts at first, reaching back with one hand to skim a palm up guanshan's thigh. ] But, I think I missed this, [ a bit awkwardly, his hand left guanshan's leg and instead touched the hand that had cupped at his face with such a demanding, yet gentle, insistence. fingers skimmed gently over guanshan's hand, touching knuckles and fingertips. ] ...a bit more.

[ a pause, filled up with a soft chuckle and huff, amending: ] Mmm. A lot more.

[ of course, he couldn't stay completely still even then, and he nudged his hips back again against guanshan's. slowly, calculated but still wary, almost like he was trying to get away with something forbidden of him.

maybe it was. ]

Keigo!!

[ Renji's hands shot forward to seize Keigo's arms, moving to haul him upright so he could more clearly get a look at the damage done.

Everything seemed to freeze in that moment, with Renji's gaze fixed on the raw and puckered redness on Keigo's skin, the spread of soft feathers that contrasted the carnage on his flesh. His eyes widened, his face paling to a ghost white. There wasn't even a moment for him to be bewildered over Keigo's nonchalance, he was still trying to process seeing him so wounded.

Concern choked his voice, made his grip uncomfortably tight. ]

What— [ Renji almost asked, "What did you do?" but he just couldn't believe that Keigo had done this to himself. Another awful thought flashed through his mind, that he'd driven Keigo to this. ] What happened to you?!

[ keigo wasn't clearheaded, that much was certain, as he didn't quite expect that type of reaction out of renji. he yelped as he was pulled up and closer, the feathers wafting around as the air scattered them further. he blinked a few times at renji's state of shock, then looked around them.

it was kind of strange. keigo recognized that those were his feathers scattered about, but there wasn't an immediate sense of panic or shame, really. it was just... stress relief. but why? he'd never had that type of inclination before.

after a silence that was likely too long for renji, keigo looked back up at him and it seemed to click. ]

I think... I must've done it...

[ he looked away again, frowning. he touched one of the broken quills on his chest, as if trying to remember the actions that led him there. ]

... but I didn't realize I was doing it. Or... th-that I pulled this much out...

[ of all the physical exertion Keigo's drawing out of him, this is the one that makes his heart beat the quickest and robs him of breath. the stillness that follows those words isn't a tease, isn't a retreat just to tease, but rather comes from a very sobering place that follows the dusk of something in him being touched he wasn't expecting. his eyes shift down, over the hook of Keigo's shoulder and across his flushed and moving chest, across his belly where those fingers settle on his at the very base of his gut — ]

[ and he hates that what twists the coil tighter in his own belly isn't the needy insistence of his hips or how tight that ring of muscle feels right around his cockhead or even the sight of his hard, flushed cock beading precum near both of their hands, but just that gentle touch — that sweet intimacy that's so hard for him to indulge in but he can never seem to stop craving like a parched desert wanderer. ]

...Fuck. [ he says it slowly, a pained mutter as his eyes flutter closed, an expletive that wars the way he's embraced every other weight that's settled on him this night. it really feels like a final threshold, the crazed leap into the cold water when he's only been sticking his toes in it now and then for the past two years. nothing left to do but... take a deep breath and jump. ]

Yeah, I know. I know what you need.

[ because it's the same thing he needs. what Keigo wears so obviously Guanshan tries to bury, but in the end — they're both people who just need to be feel wanted. to drown all of that out in weed and casual, rough fucking had served its purpose in Lagunbiru and even up to this point, but now there's a body stretched over his and a loneliness he can't help but pour himself into, even if it means making everything overflow — and he shows him that by turning his palm over, pressing lifelines to lifelines, and gripping until his knuckles are white. ]

[ a thigh slides up between Keigo's own and he rolls just a little, other arm cushioning his head where it would otherwise be pressed to the mattress, and he pushes. with Keigo pinned halfway between his weight and the bed, he buries back in slowly, moving his mouth over the other man's, kisses hot and passionate as he resumes a rhythm that's grinding and sensual over a pounding intended to get someone off. he's a coiled, full-bodied embrace around the man he rocks into, groaning into their kiss, letting it part when it feels right and resuming again when their breaths have all but mingled, groaning and panting into him. ]

[ if the wall around his heart had been that of a dam, it's now cracked and leaking, holed and gushing freely. ]

I got you.

[ he does. ]

[ The silence was, indeed, far too long for Renji. But he dared not break it, for fear that if he said anything then Keigo would clam up again, dive under the covers and lock him out. Instead his hands kept their too firm grip around his shoulders, anxiety written in the creases in his brow which only deepened at Keigo's answer. ]

Why? Why would you— [ Renji stopped himself, then swallowed. No, he didn't need an answer to that. He already knew the reason. He lowered his head, eyes dipping from the furrowed, half-lucid expression on his face to the broken quills and raw, puckered skin. ]

...I'm sorry, Keigo.

[ Renji's head bowed further, his hands slipping down his forearms and past his wrists until his palms lay flat on the bed. He was being an idiot and he knew it, but more than that he wasn't thinking about Keigo at all. How someone as vibrant as him needed to be with people, how he already treated himself like a burden without thinking he needed to be locked up in a room too. ]

I didn't know. I didn't think... [ Renji's fists clenched on the bed sheets. ] ...about how hard this was for you.

[ though on the surface, maybe this started as a means to an end, keigo had persisted in his greed for those years. collecting affection and hoarding it, cataloging all the instances in which someone else affirmed that he was wanted, maybe even needed. a pathetic behavior that ebbed and flowed, waxed and waned. for some, it was enough to be called upon, even if he was a second, third, fourth choice. for others, keigo's desire grew beyond a placeholder for attention and turned into a solid yearning. not just fucking and sitting around, leaving when the day dragged on too long, but learning about them, knowing them.

guanshan's crumbling dam was to keigo's explosive, selfish dynamite, imposing himself where he may not have been wanted at first. keigo found those targets and claimed them early. but now, the need to be demanding and bombastic ebbed when he realized in guanshan's returning touch that the work was done. now all that was left was to ford that newly created stream.

when he finally gave in and pushed forward, keigo rewarded the maneuver with a melodic hum, tongue swiping and curling to meet him. it was a deeper drive, slower than what he anticipated, but it made it all the more dizzying as guanshan kept that rhythm going, all while keeping him tightly pressed. keigo's chest was stuttering by the time guanshan's lustful groans reached his ears; it dragged a pleasant sensation up and down his spine, standing the hairs on his arms, prickling his skin. he could only respond in kind as he shuddered against the erotic rhythm, hips rolling to a beat they created together.

sweat had already started to bead at his brow, but it only added to the rawness of their coupling, to which keigo offered up another wanting moan, low and lingering. he tightened his fingers around guanshan's hand, just as his muscles tightened around his dick, squeezing him. ]

Fuck, yeah. Give me what I need. Give it...

[ just as honest and heartfelt a plea as it was a lewd, crass bit of banter rooted in the electrifying way their hips joined and parted, skin rubbing to skin, over and over. ]

[ the mingle of sweetness and intensity strikes him as not entirely new, but — novel. rarely felt, even more rarely acted upon but once it's there, it's there. he can't see anything but it: in the furrow of Keigo's brow, his fingers tightening and clutching and desperate, the brown of his eyes when he watches him and refuses to look away, tracing the way the light catches on his features and breaks them into a hundred individual pieces he could spend this entire time studying. ]

[ muscles of his back rippling as he moves, his other hand raises, fists in Keigo's hair and pins his head to the bed; it isn't so tight that it grips, merely holding — forcing his gaze to stay exactly where it lands as Guanshan fucks him slow and deep and doesn't sever eye contact. his chest is a blooming storm violent and twisting, his guts are winding up tighter and tighter with every sound he hears and every time he bottoms out inside of him, and his embrace is a fierce thing that makes sure Keigo understands this — that there's no going back from this new level of connection and intimacy. ]

[ if it feels like a death sentence, it should. maybe he knows Keigo's greedy ego will lap it up, that he's even attracted to him because of it, because of a loyalty that means he'll kill for it — but it doesn't matter what he knows when Guanshan's the one who has to show it, has to make sure he feels it. ]

Keigo—

[ the name's molasses on his tongue, burnt and sweet, a whisper quieter than anything he's said all night. just for his ears, like a spell that won't work if anyone else heard. he's dizzy, skin splotched with freckles and sweat and flush, grunting deep and husky when Keigo takes him in full, a velvet tight grip around his cock that's making him fall apart. too good — too hot — ]

[ too much. ]

Shit— Keigo, yer gonna make me come.

[ pining him, fucking him, holding him down, it doesn't matter when he's got the chisel to his chest opening up the cavity, the responsibility a heavy burden lain on the man beneath him. the fault of it all. his thrusts are getting erratic, less of a dance they both take part in. a relationship that had started as a business exchange where Guanshan did his best to perform for someone else has devolved into this: a permission to be selfish, a shedding of shame in taking what he wants. Keigo's always let him, like he has a body that was meant to be shared, an openness Guanshan's never been able to master. ]

[ he's shaking, he realizes, shoulders trembling as he tightens his grip, sweaty palms sliding against one another that he refuses to relinquish. hips pump, core stiffening, his balls drawing up, all that tension springloading. ]

[ lucky for the both of them, keigo was pretty familiar with death by now. familiar enough that the finality of this exchange, the weight of what it meant, didn't scare him as much as galvanize him. something guanshan would likely see reflected in his eyes, tightening up at the corners of his mouth, lips parting to reveal a toothy, lazy grin. being forced to face it all turned the dial up and keigo was ready to boil over from the implication alone.

the way his name sounded on guanshan's lips was still something to get used to. usually it was that gruff, sometimes clipped "asano" that he'd endured, but hearing that given name dripping from his tongue like that was the ecstasy he chased after. his back arced, hips pivoting and rolling backward as a shaky sound jerked from his chest. his ears burned darkly, that little bit of embarrassment still shining through despite the blissful look on his face as he watched guanshan slowly unravel.

the erratic thrusting, the hammer to the iron, was what he waited for, and having guanshan's dick filling him up so keenly had already done its damage. it was just that last bit that he needed. the mental image of what was to come fueled another desperate sound, a bit louder than before, and keigo's eyes slid closed for that moment as he pushed back again with insistence. ]

—inside. Fuck me up. I want it dripping out.

[ the filthy words were a plead more than a demand at this point, a desperate hope to be violated and claimed all at once. a dirty fantasy that had grown into something within reach, nothing keigo could fathom breaking down beyond that. but one thing he knew was the mere thought of that act alone was almost enough to set him over the edge, tensing his muscles and anticipating that release. ]

—Guanshan...!

[ — nasty. ]

[ and Guanshan loves it, a pathetic groan rolling out of him when Keigo's sleaze hits something hot inside of him, the imagery it summons familiar enough to be a vivid picture that's the perfect thing to push him right over the brink. he feels it whip through him from the back of his skull to the base of his tailbone in a white-hot shot of electricity, his cock throbbing and pulsating thick in Keigo's stretched-open hole. his hips snap along for the ride, rhythm lost, scrambling to get his own weight levied up so he can push and bury as deep in as he can, push every drop of what Keigo asked for as far as it'll go. ]

[ Guanshan rides it out with his hips twisted, one knee buried hard in the mattress as he straddles one of Keigo's thighs and pushes himself down, down, down, balls smacking into and staying pressed against his taint while they pump him full of cum — ]

[ and it's one of the best orgasms he's ever had, a thing that violently fights and claws its way out through the affection, intensified by it. fingers gripping so hard, his nails press red crescents into Keigo's knuckles where he's still holding his hand, and his mouth hangs open in a silent breathless scream while he arches in the height of his pleasure, only breaking from the peak to come shuddering, shivering down with a weak curl and bark of a moan. ]

[ the first agonizingly good wave crests and breaks, reducing him to an instinctual thing that grunts and growls and fucks that much more, his arm hooked in Keigo's knee pulling it higher as he thrusts shallow and rapid. ]

Nonono — [ an overwhelmed whisper, riding the overstimulation instead of fighting it — ] Take it all. Hold onto it.

[ licking at Keigo's mouth open and wet, he presses his forehead to his and holds him there while he tries to fuck his cum even deeper into him, marking him on the inside as far as he can get. ]

Come on, baby, don't spill.

[ there was no chastity left in keigo the moment he let guanshan lay him down against the bed, feverish with lust and affection. he brought it out of him without even trying, something keigo didn't necessarily find all that surprising. after all, when he had something to give, he gave with his whole heart— ]

Nnghh...

[ though now, he was eagerly taking all of what guanshan had, physically, emotionally. admittedly, the physical was taking precedent to anything else, with the sharp and erratic snap of guanshan's hips echoing in his head. each seeking drive of his dick into his body fired off a delirious satisfaction that beckoned keigo's eyes to roll back, almost as if mirroring the arc of his own spine, eagerly presenting himself to be claimed by guanshan. his throat was tight, drawn taut over desperate groans until no sound was left in him, thoroughly fucked out of his lungs by the punched thrusts up against his prostate.

but more than the physical sensation, the white-hot surge of stimulation that rocketed through him at each hit against that thoroughly abused spot inside of him, was the mental anticipation of what was to come. every time, he would reflexively envision the sticky-hot rush that would spill inside of him and his entire body would shudder. now was no different. with guanshan bottoming out so suddenly and roughly, he knew what was next and his muscles tensed and squeezed around his cock until— ]

—ohh fuck...!

[ it was a rasped curse, barely a whisper. he swore he could feel the twitch and pulse around the rim of his asshole, but more importantly, the chroma they were generating seemed to make everything else feel ... more. an acute awareness of guanshan's dick pulsing ropes of come into his ass, topping off deep inside of him to the point that it was obscene. keigo shuddered sharply, every muscle and digit clenched, his inner walls greedily milking guanshan's dick while his fingers clutched at his hand for some tether of support.

it was so much. feeling him come inside would have been more than enough. but then guanshan started moving again, quickly pummeling him with that reckless abandon keigo craved.

and that boiled him over. ]

F-fuckkkk! Yeah, like that—! [ he took a shaky breath, which immediately bled out into a whiny, desperate cry: ] Shit! I'm coming, I'm coming, oh fuck!

[ his voice was barely what would be considered recognizable to anyone who'd never fucked him before, but it was that harsh yet lilting keen that keigo's partners probably sought after. carrying those hurried declarations into the hot air they shared, keigo's hips quivered and rocked, his dick flushed deeply and slicked wet, smearing against his belly and thigh. his balls drew up and his release pumped desperately against his stomach, the rocking motion dripping it down over the bedsheets as his free hand rapidly scrambled to squeeze and twist every bit of his orgasm out to the fullest. it was... pretty erratic, with keigo's body shivering and jolting, come flecked against his fingers and thighs, dripping down the shaft to his balls, threatening to mingle with the hot drip of guanshan's spent seed steadily pushed deeper inside. an utter mess and he was riding it out to its fullest, momentarily uncaring of how much he was getting on the sheets or himself or guanshan. it was a euphoric sensation, one that was hard to duplicate without the use of drugs or aphrodisiacs. maybe the chroma counted as some outside stimulant, but all it did was remind keigo of what he sought after in the first place.

he wanted to get fucked up and he did. ]

Nnhh...! Guanshan... Guanshan... Keep goin', ride it out in me. I want it all, gimme it.

[ loud, pulsing, alive — Keigo's always so reactionary and fucking good good when he comes, cries and shakes and tells him just what he wants with the sheath-tight squeeze that milks him eagerly of every last drop he has to give... and it's always plenty, youth and hormones on both of their sides. Guanshan doesn't have a chance to enjoy the blurry golden light of his afterglow when he's being ridden back just as hard, can feel him come all over his cock with wild spasms along his entire length that drop him down for a whole other kind of experience. ]

[ there's lust here, dirty and addictive, but his name in that desperate pitch razes it down to something hotter that tugs his heartstrings along for the ride, chained up to the hitch and dragged across the gravel in bloody wake. and those demands — ]

[ he can't let him down. his muscles burn with the tension and build up of overuse, thighs muscles sizzling with the threat of cramps the next morning but he doesn't fucking care; he can't stop when he knows what Keigo wants, wants it in return. so his hips slow but don't stop, resuming a semblance of a rhythm that's punching and hard and is exactly what he needs after the slow, agonizingly slow build-up of this violent climax — how the fuck had he ever managed to put it off that long? ]

[ now, with both of their orgasms at a painful peak and Guanshan knowing he's exactly positioned to slam into Keigo's prostate with every thrust, he wraps his palm around his throat and pins him down before he can squirm away from the agonizing oversensitivity. ]

[ he'll get what he wants, even after he stops locking it. ]

Yeah. Yeah, that's it, fuck.

[ sweat beads and drips, the sheen between them slick and slippery, his aggressive onslaught making the smack of their skin raunchy and louder than ever. ]

God you take my cock so fuckin' good, my perfect — hng, slut. [ words that fall out of him with feverish abandon, inhibitions long since lost. ]

[ one way or another, he always got what he wanted in the end, even if it was something he'd never admit to outside of the bedroom. but as in most tense and emotional situations he found himself in, keigo's mouth worked faster than his brain. the filthy request was embarrassing, but he didn't have time to reflect. that would come later, when cool water would splash against the tiles as he would wash the evidence away. for now, he was greedy and demanding, breath hitching and missing a step in between the low groan of guanshan's voice and the slight shift in position.

he couldn't even formulate a word when he felt guanshan's hand close around his neck, followed by the deep, hard beating to his prostate. all that came out was a strained whimper, his thighs shaking as he squirmed against the bed. it was too much, every nerve was firing off and sparking sensations across his skin and deep inside of him. the pleasure had peaked, but now it was being pushed further and further past that finish line they had both surpassed a mile ago. his cock still dribbled the last remnants of his spent seed, skin flushed darkly and shining with sweat and come.

but it was what he wanted. his ears burned at the name-calling, but he moaned anyway, shuddering against the bed, against guanshan's palm, against his hips as he kept that steady but agonizing rhythm. overstimulation made his skin crawl pleasantly on its own, but combined with the chroma they were generating, it was almost enough to really fuck him out. panting shallowly, keigo's eyes were half-open and unfocused, caught somewhere in the middle distance as guanshan rolled against him, over and over.

every drop was being fucked out of him and into him and it was more than he could have hoped for. as dazed as he was, he wasn't fully incapable of speaking once he rolled with the sparks of sensitivity all over his body. though he certain sounded distant, distracted, blissful. ]

Nnhhhaaa... so hot... Why are you so hot...

That's your fault, ain't it?

[ voice low, husk broken darkly over his panting breaths, rasped on the edges with his pleasure — his heart burns in his chest, a dizzying sensation that raced up his lungs and the back of his spine, hormone-fueled desperation keeping him a livewire. the rough treatment increased instead of unwinding, snap of his hips slapping hard enough into Keigo's he'd leave the skin reddened, stretching him out and pulling him open as he hit it deep — pushing out the cum he'd made him promise to keep in the first place. ]

F'you drive me this crazy...

[ and it's fucking magical — how he can squeeze down on the sides of his throat and feel it on his cock, everything about the body under him going rigid despite the release. he takes his breath away in increments, fingers loosening back up and allowing him to breathe before cinching back down, abusing him lovingly. ]

C'mon, keep up with me, baby. Jack yourself off. I know you can make me come again; you wanna drain this cock dry, don't you?

[ hot and heavy whispers, quick and feverish with his temporary mania. the other side of affection is brutality, how quickly his tenderness turns into a good hurt. the possessiveness he feels in the moment is feral, a burn he wants to see emulated on skin and afterwards, his palm coming down on the seam of Keigo's thigh and cheek so hard it smarts when he pulls away. it doesn't take Sanguis to get him feral, just a bond that runs deeper than any moonlight can touch. ]

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