loudmouths | PRISMATICA ► OVERFLOW

[ molting most definitely was not a part of the cordis cycle that keigo typically experienced. keigo likely would have made some kind of complaint about it if it had been. that really only left one option...

as renji whipped the door open, keigo jerked from shock, his agitation and anxiety spiking from the loud, abrupt sound so much closer to him. he was under the blankets, pulled over his head, like a child. it probably would have looked comical if it wasn't for the trail of feathers leading up to the bed, with a few more drifting to the floor when he shifted in the bed. ]

Y-you really better not have broken both of my doors, you asshole.

[ he didn't sound... too bad... mostly annoyed... hm. ]

[ After everything they'd been through, there were times when Renji forgot how young Keigo still was, not just compared to a spirit like himself but even for a human. This wasn't one of those times. Renji's lips pressed thin seeing the scattering of feathers around the bed and the bundle they lead up to. He looked like a little kid trying to hide from their problems by shutting out the whole world, not so diffferent from a small, skittish animal burrowing into its den. ]

I'll replace 'em later.

[ With deliberate care, Renji stepped towards the bed and sat at the edge. He had absolutely no desire to aggravate Keigo than he had already, so he didn't do more than lay a hand on the blankets and give a short tug. When he spoke again, the coarse edges of his voice were a little sanded down, low and gently coaxing. ]

You gonna come outta there?

[ feeling renji's reiatsu in such close proximity both comforted and distressed keigo. he was upset, but feeling his presence was never truly unwelcome... he couldn't tell him to leave, not now.

the question was met with a very heavy pause. he didn't know how to respond. part of him wanted to be childish and stay under that blanket forever. but feeling the blanket tugged against him made keigo lift his head a little and look out from under it. his eyes weren't puffy, but maybe a little glossy, like he'd perhaps cried in mild frustration. he furrowed his brows, fidgeting with something underneath the blanket. ]

What d'ya want...

[ Renji met Keigo's too bright eyes and he reflexively reached out to him, a hand coming to brush his brow poking out from under the blankets. He'd gotten... slightly more accustomed to seeing Keigo's teary face, his overblown hysterics at even the tiniest burst of emotion. But in moments like these, he still didn't know what to do but offer an awkward attempt at a comforting gesture. ]

I wanted to see you.

[ It slipped out of his mouth, too sincere by half judging from the way his voice softened when he said it. An embarrassment to admit. Renji's gaze cast downwards, away from Keigo's eyes and to the blanket and the spread of feathers littering the bed. ]

To see if you were okay. [ Renji's hand lowered, sweeping stray plumes off the bed. ] You don't look it.

[ keigo had only really expected affectionate contact like this either after sex or while renji was under the influence of the iris moon. it was welcome, of course, but still distracting in its novelty. keigo didn't pull away.

but at the same time, he didn't pull the blankets off, either. he just let it remain where it was, everything but his face obscured. renji's concern made him feel guilty for being so angry and dramatic... in the end, keigo knew he was just being a brat. looking down at nothing, he shook his head shallowly. ]

'm fine... just bein' a dramatic idiot again.

No kidding.

[ Renji's voice was dry, almost dismissive if it weren't for the fact that he was hovering over Keigo's head with his eyebrows knit together in concern. It was obvious now how Renji was all obnoxious talk when he denied worrying about Keigo in a fit of annoyance and self-conscious chagrin. He leaned in closer, obscuring Keigo's view of the nothing he was staring at. ]

Why're you tryin' to do this on your own when it's so hard on you?

[ It was abrupt, a swerve in their conversation, but Renji said it like it had been eating away at him. Like it was something he was getting off his chest. ]

[ it was fairly embarrassing to have renji affirm what he'd admitted to, no matter how much he acknowledged it to be true. it wasn't a trait he was proud of, much less now when he was left vulnerable and wanting thanks to the cordis moon. all he wanted to do was touch and be touched, to have that steady surge of chroma between him and someone else.

renji's question felt a bit too direct, a bit too knowing. keigo wasn't even sure how to answer it. he looked up at renji like a guilty animal, barely lifting his head upward. he fidgeted under the blanket again, shifting his shoulders. ]

Because... as much as I like attention, sometimes it feels too fake... that I wouldn't be as wanted if it wasn't for the moon and shit. So I'd rather spend time with people when I know it's me that they're seeing.

[ The answer didn't surprise Renji. He knew what an idiot Keigo could be for how he overthought everything. Maybe that's why all that gentle teasing earlier about how Renji was being nice because of the pheromones had so gotten under his skin, because some part of Keigo thought it might be true. His jaw tightened, eyes narrowed. The hand on the blanket tightened, balling fabric into a fist. ]

Is that really why you think I'm here, Keigo? Because of some stupid moon shit?

[ The sweet scent of him filled the apartment, saturated the sheets, but it wasn't about to make a hypocrite of him now. Renji was, if nothing else, an expert at denying himself the things he wanted. ]

[ he knew that renji wouldn't take that answer well, but even worse was that keigo didn't even know if that was the entirety of it. he couldn't really articulate how he felt or why he wanted to shoulder the burden, other than having to do so with other things in his life, anyway.

renji's biting response still elicited an uncomfortable pang in his chest, like he had really said something horrible. the guilt was fairly oppressive and keigo looked away, hands curling tightly. ]

I don't... know... no? But...

[ keigo swallowed roughly. ]

I don't know. I can't explain it. I'm sorry.

[ It stung a little. Not Keigo's lack of explanation, but his uncertainty that Renji wasn't just lured here by his sweet scent, following his trail like a slavering dog. ]

Keigo...

[ Frustration was etched in every facet of Renji's posture, from his tense shoulders to his clenched fists and the deep scowl on his brow. Frustration with himself, with how inadequate he still was. Frustration that he just couldn't manage to convey to Keigo how he wanted to be here because he loved him.

And then Renji inhaled, held his breath to cool his head. Getting temperamental was what started this in the first place, and it certainly wasn't going to end it. When he spoke again, the coarse aggravation in his voice had smoothed over a touch. ]

C'mon, get up. I can't talk to you like this.

[ Like he was scolding him, like they weren't on equal ground. He stared down at Keigo and he felt every second of the decades between them. Renji tugged at the blanket, peeling back the covers to encourage Keigo to sit up and at least meet him eye to eye, or close to it. ]

[ keigo was fairly equally frustrated with the situation, but more for his own childish mannerisms and how sensitive he was being over this whole thing. it was stupid, why couldn't he just accept things as they were? maybe because he was tired of doing that for so long.

though he couldn't really argue that the position he was in wasn't really conducive to having a serious conversation. it felt secure, in a way, but just as childish as anything else he was doing in that moment.

he didn't really say anything as renji pulled on the covers, but he didn't pull back, either. he let renji expose him to the air, and it didn't seem like anything was amiss until the blanket dropped past his neck.

everything from his shoulders to his pectorals was a bit... wrong. red and raw flesh, broken quills and scattered downy fluff that had littered the floor and now the bed. a small pile had formed around keigo, circling him like some kind of ritualistic sigil to keep him hidden away.

but maybe the oddest part was that for how clear it was that this was self-inflicted, keigo didn't try to hide it. instead, he looked up at renji with the same petulant face as he always did, red-rimmed eyes and pursed lips completing his otherwise typical look. no shame graced his face, except maybe the shame that came with being unable to explain himself from a moment ago. ]

Fine... I dunno what there is to say...

[ probably a few things, now that this had been exposed. keigo's fingers twitched against his thighs, as if itching for something to do. ]

Keigo!!

[ Renji's hands shot forward to seize Keigo's arms, moving to haul him upright so he could more clearly get a look at the damage done.

Everything seemed to freeze in that moment, with Renji's gaze fixed on the raw and puckered redness on Keigo's skin, the spread of soft feathers that contrasted the carnage on his flesh. His eyes widened, his face paling to a ghost white. There wasn't even a moment for him to be bewildered over Keigo's nonchalance, he was still trying to process seeing him so wounded.

Concern choked his voice, made his grip uncomfortably tight. ]

What— [ Renji almost asked, "What did you do?" but he just couldn't believe that Keigo had done this to himself. Another awful thought flashed through his mind, that he'd driven Keigo to this. ] What happened to you?!

[ keigo wasn't clearheaded, that much was certain, as he didn't quite expect that type of reaction out of renji. he yelped as he was pulled up and closer, the feathers wafting around as the air scattered them further. he blinked a few times at renji's state of shock, then looked around them.

it was kind of strange. keigo recognized that those were his feathers scattered about, but there wasn't an immediate sense of panic or shame, really. it was just... stress relief. but why? he'd never had that type of inclination before.

after a silence that was likely too long for renji, keigo looked back up at him and it seemed to click. ]

I think... I must've done it...

[ he looked away again, frowning. he touched one of the broken quills on his chest, as if trying to remember the actions that led him there. ]

... but I didn't realize I was doing it. Or... th-that I pulled this much out...

[ The silence was, indeed, far too long for Renji. But he dared not break it, for fear that if he said anything then Keigo would clam up again, dive under the covers and lock him out. Instead his hands kept their too firm grip around his shoulders, anxiety written in the creases in his brow which only deepened at Keigo's answer. ]

Why? Why would you— [ Renji stopped himself, then swallowed. No, he didn't need an answer to that. He already knew the reason. He lowered his head, eyes dipping from the furrowed, half-lucid expression on his face to the broken quills and raw, puckered skin. ]

...I'm sorry, Keigo.

[ Renji's head bowed further, his hands slipping down his forearms and past his wrists until his palms lay flat on the bed. He was being an idiot and he knew it, but more than that he wasn't thinking about Keigo at all. How someone as vibrant as him needed to be with people, how he already treated himself like a burden without thinking he needed to be locked up in a room too. ]

I didn't know. I didn't think... [ Renji's fists clenched on the bed sheets. ] ...about how hard this was for you.

PRISMATICA ► OVERFLOW

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